For goodness’ sake is an old phrase we’ve probably all heard. Being good, what does it mean? And by being good, am I denying myself in order to placate someone else? This is all my opinion, but being good seems like a false idea, devised to keep people in their place. Good people are controllable. Do you see powerful males being good? Or hungry female lions?
“For goodness’ sake”—an Elizabethan wouldn’t use the apostrophe as we’re required to—has its literal force here: “for the sake of goodness and decency.”
Here’s a line from a recent Doctor Who episode – Flatline
Clara: I was the Doctor and I was good.
Doctor: You were an exceptional Doctor, Clara …
Clara: Thank you.
Doctor: … goodness had nothing to do with it.
I once believe that if I was good, quiet and submissive, if I did what I was told to do, then I would be rewarded. It sounds like a kindergarten fairy tale. But that’s why the lie worked so well. It worked so well that we have CEO’s spouting it out in statements that women should trust the system…
On stage with Maria Klawe, president of Harvey Mudd College, Nadella was asked what advice he had for women in the tech industry who aren’t comfortable asking for a raise. Nadella replied in part: “It’s not really about asking for the raise but knowing and having faith that the system will actually give you the right raises as you go along. And that, I think, might be one of the additional superpowers that quite frankly women who don’t ask for a raise have, because that’s good karma. It’ll come back because somebody’s going to know that’s the kind of person that I want to trust, that’s the kind of person that I want to really want to give more responsibility to. And in the long term efficiency, things catch up.” – NBC News emphasis mine
Here’s Suzie Orman’s response,
Let’s try being who we are. Let’s try honest living, by that I mean, honestly communicating to each other with honest statements. I like. I don’t like. I want. I don’t want. I need. I fear. I give. I take. Negotiating, asking, and working towards a goal trumps being good and hoping someone will notice. Always.