Wandering and Lost Souls

When I started my wandering it wasn’t just with doubts. I’ve always questioned Christianity being the only way. I’ve always been skeptical of their notion that the God that loved the world enough to send his only begotten son would send him for just the little group in my part of the world. The God who created the heavens and the earth, who breathed life into all creation, could only save the ones who believed the way my church believed. It seemed narrow-minded to me. And not just to me. The more exposure you get to others who are not like you, the more you see a lot of narrow thinking. At least, that’s how it started.

The pendulum swings

I believed in God, I believed in love, and I believed in Jesus because that was the color of religion that raised me. Had I been born in India, I’d most likely be a Hindu. I’d probably be in the same place of questioning my faith also. Most that speak to me about my loss of Christianity tell me it’s because I grew up in such a restricted upbringing, but I disagree. I believe it’s because I grew up in the dubbed, days of awakening, for lack of a better term. Born in the 1960’s and growing up with the massive explosion of information and exploration, suddenly the world around us widened with possibilities. We were on the moon. We didn’t have to wear dresses as women. We could earn our own money. I even felt forced at times into becoming more liberal. Not from anyone in particular, but from society’s expectations.

As pendulums do

Today I feel a bit different. I’m nowhere. As expected, I feel a bit befuddled. I nostalgically see the village I came from and its homey appeal, but I keep yanking the cords that try to draw me back in. I find the easy comfort has a strong pull. But I can’t honestly walk back into that. Yeah, it’s familiar. It’s also a little like making your bed and sitting down at your parents’ table again. I’ve been there and done that, and now I am so much more. I also didn’t lose my Christianity as some suggest. I walked away.

The pendulum of the mind alternates between sense and nonsense, not between right and wrong.
Carl Jung 



  1. This post really hit home for me. I am only 25, but in my earlier 20’s I started wondering if there was more to the church’s teaching than what they either knew, or were allowed to teach. So I felt the need to leave church and embark on my own path. I still believe in God and Christ, but not in the same paradigm as the existing idea of it. And I DO NOT claim to be a Christian as Christ himself never named his teachings, that was our doing. Everything we call Christian today was an iamge we put together. You do not have to go to chruch every Sunday to have faith, and I do not believe you have to follow the same beaten trail every one else does go to to a better place after you die. Christianity has turned more into a dollar bill than anything else. Christians today (most) are hypocrits.


    • My struggles started somewhere in my 30’s, so you got a jump on me. I thought for a while that I could find a place in the church and it was a lot like fitting the square peg in the round hole. I’m so glad you stopped by. Keep in touch if you can. I’d like to see how your journey goes.


      • Ah, yeah I’ve only been on my for a few years now. For me, the church was just leaving too many questions unanswered. So many things didn’t make sense. But we aren’t allowed to question, only follow. I have learned much sense I started my own search and I should write more of it. I will definitely keep things updated the best I can.


  2. “God loves all of [his] creation, and not one soul will be lost” – that’s the premise underlying John Roger’s Movement of Spiritual Inner Awareness [MSIA]. (Fits with what physics has to say about the conservation of energy too!) Works for me!

    Then there is the Beatles’ point of view (my generation!), “All you need is love,” backed by “and the greatest of these is love” in the Christian Bible.

    And I’m pretty sure you saw my post about Leadership and Spirituality quoting Sadhguru — the entire world is questioning our war-like stance over the religions of old.

    Surely *that* is of Divine Design.

    Well written intro to a difficult topic.
    Madelyn Griffith-Haynie, CMC, SCAC, MCC
    – ADD Coach Training Field founder; ADD Coaching co-founder –
    (blogs: ADDandSoMuchMore, ADDerWorld & ethosconsultancynz – dot com)
    “It takes a village to transform a world!”


  3. search up on a concept called “The Holographic Universe”… I’ll be doing a post on it over the next day or so but have a peek on youtube. It both proves the concept of god but disproves the idea of god in the eyes of most religion.

    You’re right where you’re meant to be, so don’t worry about feeling a little lost – it’ll become clear in time 🙂



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