New Hope

This isn’t something I do often, but for people I love I would walk a thousand miles, then I would walk a thousand more.

A friend’s husband is having a heart and liver transplant. This has been a long ordeal for their children as you can imagine. Long grueling days of worrying about dad. Loss of income. Yeah we know the story about healthcare and insurance. Well this is one time it came close to home. Job choices.

Imagine you’re about to get the heart transplant for your husband and your company abruptly calls you into the office. Oh damn! Layoff. Reorganization. You have one month to find a new job.

Sometimes there are endings with happy beginnings.

#Thisisreallife. #Loveyourpeople.

I’m not saying anyone should help, but if you want and if you have an extra $5.00 or $10.00 or share a prayer, it is appreciated. Positive vibes please. Love.

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Are You Flirting?

Does anyone else find the whole flirting – connecting thing just a bit awkward? Here in the Southern United States, we tend to be friendly. Just like we sweeten our tea, we sweeten our language and everything around us. Lace, Doilies, Please and Thank you. And there’re a lot of friendly talks, even during a business transaction.

What I’ve noticed about myself.

When I’m at work, I can be friendly, joking around. It’s harder everywhere else. I know the people at work. I’m at home. What gives with that? Then I wonder am I confusing people by being too friendly?

When is it inappropriate?

What about the other side of the coin? Some people can’t turn the flirting off. They use their seduction to get what they want. They have affairs or sexually harass their coworkers. I once had a manager who creeped me out. He told my friend and me that we’d look cute in cheerleader costumes for Halloween.

What makes it flirting?

Here’s the problem. If you’re a bubbly personality, you might always be seen as flirting. I’ve had to deal with it. I smile, listen, laugh, and joke. I care. Real flirting is reaching out and connecting.

Subtle Verbal and Non-Verbal Clues – Synonym

Some forms of flirting are more likely to be done in private, when no other observers are close enough to hear or see, suggests Elizabeth Bernstein, an award-winning columnist for the Wall Street Journal, in her article, “The New Rules of Flirting.” If someone asks a direct question such as, “Are you seeing anyone?” that person will likely ask that question privately. Beyond what a person says, a person may also communicate her attraction to you via a combination of vocal signals and body language. A seemingly simple line such as, “It’s nice meeting you,” can take on a romantically charged connotation if the speaker drags out the last word, while simultaneously raising her eyebrows and smiling — and if she hangs on to the handshake a few seconds longer.

Tell me what you think. Have you been accused of flirting? Or do you have trouble approaching people? It’s a cold cruel world sometimes and it shouldn’t be. Let’s try to make it a little nicer for each other if we can.

 

 

Are You Just Sitting There Doing Nothing?

Sit in the middle of the day, in a public place, not with a cup of coffee or a book, just sit. Someone will stop and ask you if you need something. They’ll worry. Are you okay?

People don’t know what to do when someone is just sitting. And pity the homeless person sleeping on the grass or the steps. We poke them. Are they alive? I work downtown, so we see a few in the week.

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how out of control most of our lives seem. Or maybe it’s just mine. I posted a while back the conundrum that I have or shall I say the elastic stretch, between medication and being well. Slowing Down to a Human Crawl The medication prevents the illness, but it also causes fatigue – in degrees. The fatigue and the spinal issues have caused me to reevaluate the heads down, let’s push through to make it happen, bull-headedness of mine. I’m a bit stubborn. I like to win. I like to get things done. I’ve been known push until it hurt. Well, I’m rethinking. Recalculating even.

How Leisure helps take control of our lives.

“Leisure lives on affirmation. It is not the same as the absence of activity … or even as an inner quiet. It is rather like the stillness in the conversation of lovers, which is fed by their oneness. – Brain Pickings How leisure helps us reclaim our human dignity in a workaholic culture

Open House for Butterflies by Ruth Krauss (July 25, 1901–July 10, 1993) click on picture to see the entire book

I’ve been trying to discover this new life I have since I’m walking instead of running. The colors are different. Sounds and tastes also. I’m kidding a bit. But I am adjusting. It’s been a year of weight loss. My styles have changed. My wardrobe has changed. Today I just purged my closet. I should feel excited, but I don’t. I feel off beat. I keep walking hoping that at some moment along the way it’s going to feel alright.

Here’s the truth of it. There are life changes that I want to make that aren’t happening yet. That leisure I talk about is my way of saying that I need more relaxation in my life. I’ve had to push for it. When others were demanding I work overtime; I was pulling away. I had to respect myself over the job. This stuff isn’t easy.

I want to fill my space with music, my walls with color, and my life with people who know how to enjoy living this life to the fullest – however it may look.

Trouble Makers

wordart forget the dog beware of the kids

Trouble kids.

What is your definition of trouble makers?

When I was 16, we had a new pastor come to our church. When I first met him I was sitting on the counter, legs swinging, in the church’s kitchen. We had a decent size youth group in our small church for the size of our town.

We were active, loud, and enthusiastic. Normal. The one thing I later learned was that I looked like trouble, or so my pastor thought. This perplexed me since I believed I was a good girl.

Going back in time, in junior high about 7th grade or so, I got into a scuffle on the bus ride from school. I was in the coveted back seat, and a bigger boy wanted my seat. I didn’t budge. We scuffled, and we both got suspended from the bus. I don’t remember much except being aggravated because I wanted to win and feeling scared of going to the principal’s office. The one thing I didn’t remember my mom had to tell me later. My dad confronted the bus driver. I was surprised since my family is pretty quiet. We each handle ourselves and take care of our issues, but my dad was miffed. The boy was big, around 200 pounds; I was a little 80-pound girl. That wasn’t right, and Dad’s all about right.

I don’t remember much except being aggravated because I wanted to win and feeling scared of going to the principal’s office. The one thing I didn’t remember my mom had to tell me later. My dad confronted the bus driver. I was surprised since my family is pretty quiet. We each handle ourselves and take care of our issues, but my dad was miffed. The boy was big, around 200 pounds; I was a little 80-pound girl. That wasn’t right, and Dad’s all about right.

We each handle ourselves and take care of our issues, but my dad was miffed. The boy was big, around 200 pounds; I was a little 80-pound girl. That wasn’t right, and Dad’s all about right.

You can’t make an omelet without breaking eggs.

So, is it better to raise quiet, subservient children? Not in my world. Sit and take it or cause a fuss?

If you want a quiet, compliant, factory worker then fine, don’t hire me. I taught my children to think, to question what they read. Don’t believe everything. Investigate.

We need to feel free to speak up, to call attention to injustice, and to think of solutions for our problems.

More recently in my life, I’ve had a few minor verbal scuffles. And by a few, I mean six months worth of hell. When asked to help on a project at work, I dove in feet first. I asked questions.

  • Why are we doing this?
  • What do we want to see as a result?
  • How hard do we need to push the software company to modify their product or do we adapt?
  • Are we missing any steps along the way in this process?

I ran across some gaps in our process, so I spoke up. In one instance I noticed we’d have a noticeable loss of income in 2 months. I ruffled feathers. The birdies got angry with me. Would I do it again? Hell yes.

Maybe it wasn’t my job, but it affected me. I knew the software, and I knew the steps that needed to be taken to get the money in the door.

What concerns me is how we define a trouble maker. I see accomplishing a task as getting things done, even if you have to bump a few noses along the way.

Trouble making is causing a problem because you want to stir up attention. I avoid attention, but I like to do a job well. Work done well is what counts.

Or as in the song “Stand Out.”

And if your gonna make a mess make it loud

And if your gonna take a stand stand out

I highly recommend you listen to this episode of This American Life – Is This Working. Act 3 specifically talks about a school with an unusual method of discipline. When the method reached the real world things got interesting. This episode made me want to punch an idiot. The shortened version – Act 3 Is This Working

The Talking Cure! Yeah.

Change It Up!

So you’re tired of telling yourself that you never win anything. That you’re always the last to know. The loser. Stupid. Have to get everything the hard way. If you get any extra money, something will break. Or any other hysterically depressing life script. It’s not a laughing matter at all. Things can change for you. If you want them to.

Why are you jealous? This is a great navigation tool. We get jealous, irritated and mean if someone gets an opportunity that we wanted.

Someone’s bragging about their perfect marriage? An opportunity to go back to school? A moment in the limelight? Yep, we all know the feeling. I get really irritated when I hear that some celebrity has published a book. And it’s a children’s book. I pull out my collapsible podium and go at them. How dare they? What qualifies them to write anything? They are a celebrity, they didn’t need introduced to anyone. No technique or craft skills. That’s not fair! Probably never read a book themselves. Yeah, I hope you like the ugly side of me in a jealous fit. Like it or not, we all take a trip down that road. Your sister, your sister-in-law or just an acquaintance has a baby and their baby is absolutely adorable. Cough, cough, gag.

Tell your new story

I know that we can’t control what happens in other people’s lives. We do have some ability to work with own life and outlook. If the story of a friend’s vacation makes you want to punch her, take a hint. Ding ding ding. Are you wanting a vacation? Do you feel you deserve one? Or do you feel you’ve worked harder than her and didn’t take one? Investigate your envy. Develop a method of investigating your irritations instead of ignoring them. The “Not Fair” flashing alert sign comes on for me at times. And now with the anger comes the question, “what am I missing in this?” Am I wanting what they have? Or the ability to have a choice?

Old depressing life script: I have to work hard to get anywhere. I would get extremely upset when I notice someone get a promotion or the limelight when I felt they didn’t work hard enough for it. She only got the job because her family was friends with the boss. And I can roll around in the pain and anger or I can get up and live my life.  So I chose to live my life. I decided to change my story.

New life script: I live my life, my path. Sometimes I work hard and sometimes helpful people give me hand up.

Old: I need to catch up. I need to go faster or I will get left behind.

New: I am going at my speed. Life has different speeds. This is not a timed race and there’s no finish line.

Find proof in your memories of your new story. You’ve done the hardest part. You’ve identified what makes you jealous. You’ve turned it into a new story, the story you want to develop inside of you. Now let’s give it some life. Find a memory that supports your new story. For example, my new story, sometimes I work hard and sometimes helpful people give me a hand up. Well I’ve been given opportunities that others didn’t get because they knew I would do the job. They saw my hard work. I earned the opportunity, you might say, by being a steadfast person. I know the people. I know in life, because I put one foot in front of the other even on days that I felt like sitting at home. This does not mean that I’m always perfect or deserving. I am certainly not wanting to gloat because, I am extremely thankful for all the help and votes of confidence. I am thankful for the pilgrim who founded my country with a document stating our rights to freedom. I am thankful for pioneers who braved harsh climates and loss and death. It gives me courage to keep trying even when the future looks bleak. I am thankful for women who demanded equal rights.

I am thankful for every challenging and difficult woman or man who refused to sit down and shut up when their rights were challenged.

This is what I am talking about. I am blessed. I am blessed with choices and opportunities. My parents gave me a solid foundation of love and helped me grow. the list goes on. I am building on a foundation laid by generations of people before me. Champions. I live my life, my path. Sometimes I work hard and sometimes helpful people give me hand up.

Energy flows to where your attention goes. If you are driving in the fog and it’s difficult to see, maybe all you can see is the car in front of you. That’s your focus, your guide. Otherwise you may drift off the road. Your life-script is your guidance. When the times are tough you have to remember that this doesn’t last forever. That a new day will come. When someone else gets the job you wanted, you have to remember that you are just as blessed. Maybe they did get it because their boss favors them. But tomorrow is a new day. That boss may not last another week, you don’t know. I’ve seen it happen. That sure thing can fall through and what do they have to fall back on? What do you have to fall back on? You have your life story.

Find your jealous flashing lights. Turn the story around. Build the story with examples you highlight from your memories. Keep doing this all of your life. I guarantee you will not regret it. When you are in your olden years you can say, I lived my life and I am blessed.