Misfires and Misinterpretations

Transsexual Eyes

Listening is not the same as understanding. I might say “The sun is an enormous gaseous flaming ball, burning through the centuries.” If your vocabulary is different than mine, your brain will translate what it can and dump the rest, leaving you with the automatic translation, “The sun is a fire ball.” We come from different lives. Have various experiences. Even in the same age generation, you find opposite perspectives. It takes some effort to truly understand another person.

Here is a good example from one of my favorite shows. (Breaking Bad Spoiler Alert, season 4) Skyler is afraid for Walt’s safety. Walt is afraid to of getting caught by the police. It’s an interesting conundrum.

“Breaking Bad: Cornered (#4.6)” (2011)

Skyler White: Walt, please, let’s both of us stop trying to justify this whole thing and admit you’re in danger!

Walter White: Who are you talking to right now? Who is it you think you see? Do you know how much I make a year? I mean, even if I told you, you wouldn’t believe it. Do you know what would happen if I suddenly decided to stop going into work? A business big enough that it could be listed on the NASDAQ goes belly up. Disappears! It ceases to exist without me. No, you clearly don’t know who you’re talking to, so let me clue you in. I am not in danger, Skyler. I am the danger. A guy opens his door and gets shot and you think that of me? No. I am the one who knocks!

Walter White: I am the one who knocks!

Sometimes people misunderstand what I say. It happens. Other times, I’ve often been talking with someone and been too quick with my hearing. Later I’ll look back on the conversation and understand what the person truly meant. It’s a moment of humility. I’ve tried to develop the habit of not forming a hasty opinion, waiting for a more true picture. Sometimes putting information on my mental shelf for a bit can help. I may not agree with your opinion, but I want to understand.

 

Enhanced by Zemanta

Freedom or Romance? Could you choose?

Which is it? Think quick. What would your choice be? If you could only have one, and be able to live that one to its fullest, which would you choose? The choice is a fantasy. No one has absolute romance or absolute freedom and it may be one of those things that no one needs, but if it came down to one or the other do you know your preference? Maybe you didn’t realize there was a choice.

The choices:

Cinderella with her fairyland romance. The prince claiming her for his own and in front of all her naysayers announcing her as his bride. The ring on your finger, the kiss on the cheek, not to mention the passion. Certainly the wild roller-coaster ride of romance hits some, but it rarely lasts. They tell me it isn’t supposed to last. It’s supposed to blossom, develop and grow into a fully developed love. Now tell me again why we idolize the fairy tales? Is it their mature love? No, it’s the passion. It’s the feeling of belonging. Instant HOME.

Freedom to go anywhere you want to wear the colors of your choice, to think and act freely, even speak from your own mind. You walk in loyalty to those you wish to be loyal to, not having to compromise your true loyalties for the sake of country, political party, religious affiliations or family ties. To move with the wind and flow as the river. No checking in, no expectations, no disappointing others. But having no preset boundaries, no home base, some feel lost.

The truth is these are not either or choices. Just take a good look at the choices you have now in front of you. Make an aware choice. What are you giving up if you choose to take this job or that? What does your family expect of you? Your religion? Your friends? If you are free to move anywhere, to be anyone, what is your gain? What do you walk away from?

A good mix is the best. There’s a balancing of freedom and home ties and it changes at different points in your life. When you feel the pinch of your too tight shoes you know it’s time to squeeze your feet out of them and let them have some air. In the same way, when your personality feels cramped or your life feels dry, boring, or wasted, check your home ties or your freedom level. Adjust as necessary.

But the question still stands, if you could only choose one, which would it be?

Aside: Here’s some beautiful artwork which seems to me a nice mix of romance and freedom. http://stacykathryn.com/artwork/

Weekly Photo Challenge: Companionable

mskittyshoulder

My cat chose me. I hear they often do. We think we’re the ones to choose our companions but mostly they choose us. I’m thankful daily for her and her love. I’m thankful for all of my friends, even my non-furry ones.

Ms Kitty was the last one of her family and I swear she still has separation anxiety. Here on my shoulder or anywhere touching me is her preference. If I leave a room she follows. Maybe she’s afraid I’ll leave her. Maybe it’s just a cat thing.

I have my favorite cat, who is my paperweight, on my desk while I am writing. – Ray Bradbury

Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/keywords/cat.html#hGp8FrVWqsDIA3Q1.99

http://dailypost.wordpress.com/2013/06/28/weekly-photo-challenge-companionable/

The Softer Side of Me

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

I want to curl up on the couch and be warm and snuggly.  I’m on my couch now but I don’t feel warm and snuggly. You know that feeling when you were a child, home and sick. Not so sick you couldn’t watch TV, but too sick for school. I’d lay there with my quilt and pillow and doze off and on, not a care in the world. That’s what I mean by warm and snuggly.

There’s not as many times I let myself feel that way. If I take the time off to lay there then I feel I guilty about not completing a project like putting up some closet shelves. There’s always work needing done. I wish someone would give me permission to sit down. Would it be so wrong of me to give myself permission?

What makes us push so hard? We all feel it these days. The works never done. It seems there’s no dividing line between piling more things on our to-do list and the work we do for pay. It all just keeps growing and there’s no time to complete it. So we keep pushing along. Once the sun was our cue. When we couldn’t see the hand in front of our face we had to quit. Now we get out the spotlights and keep on plowing. No need to stop.

We have the good life when it comes to survival. We have food, clothing, running water, shelter and all of that. We have luxuries and entertainment. But there’s no scheduled time out. No choice. Must stop. One day rolls into another until we finally roll into our 6 foot deep plot. My personality demands a completion point. Even when I’m reading a book, I like to know how many pages are left before the end of the chapter. I look at the total minutes of the movies I’m watching. I mentally half and quarter the time. Strange? Bizarre for certain. I wonder if there are others out there that do something similar. And why do I need to do this? I like completion. When I finish something, I get that temporary mental feedback. That little burst of endorphin that says ‘good job’. We all have it in some degree. Maybe you’ve never noticed. Did you clean out the garage? Did you feel the need to tell someone? Facebook is great for this. We are such social beings that we need to tell everyone the most mundane actions of our lives. “Went to the store. Long lines at the gas station.” “Finally mowed the lawn.” And even though we know most of our friends don’t really care, we feel compelled to share. These harmless little actions just make my point. We completed a task. We checked it off of our list and want acknowledgement. No biggie.

Fudge snuggles

I’ve heard that the chemical reinforcement in our neurological structure is the reason we make lists. Also it’s the reason we add to that list if we’ve completed a task that we didn’t list originally and check it off. We don’t want to miss anything. We are reinforcing our accomplishments. Yay for us!  Pats on the back all around.

So my difficulty is, how do I allow myself to rest? Giving myself permission doesn’t come easily. One thing I’m learning is compassion for myself. I’ve started doing a compassion meditation (see below). Very simple. I sit and think forgiving and kind thoughts towards others, whether friends or strangers. I also include myself. I wish blessing and good things on others during this time. I acknowledge them as doing their best and allow them freedom themselves. I believe this makes me a softer person. And by becoming softer, I can allow myself to relax. It’s a start for me. For me this method is more effective than my earlier way, which was lists and lists and lists. As I said, they never seem to be finished. With this way I can relax even when things aren’t perfect. It’s taken me a long time to get where I am, and I know I have a long way to go. This is my journey.

Curiosity

English: Escopeta Oil and Gas Spartan 151 jack...

I’m a curious sort. They say curiosity kills the cat, but really that cat had a lot of fun before he died. I have a lot of information in my head from my years of probing and learning. I can be fascinated for weeks about a topic and talk about it until I drive my friends insane. Ah, but they are a nice sort. They pretend interest. I’ve spent a lot of energy encouraging people teaching people things and encouraging them to change. Not only to change, but that they can change. I suppose I won’t ever change from that, so how do I expect them to change from who they are.

I have a Popular Science magazine in front of me just because I’m curious. Under The Sea. While reading through it, I kept thinking of different ones to show articles to, thinking they might like it. I came across one regarding oil rigs. That would be fun to show my folks. My brother is a mechanic and he travels to many different sites to repair oil rigs. Lots of travel and lots of work. And I don’t think my parents understand. Even though they are wonderful parents, they don’t understand his need for travel. It’s an interesting article about an oil rig off the coast of Alaska. And it floats. My parents love us and I appreciate them greatly, but there was something that I didn’t understand until recently. They don’t change. They don’t want to change. They are very content with who they are and where they are and have been for a long time.

English: Cover of the October 1920 issue of Po...

How do you get to be 40ish years old and not realize something so basic as contentment? As I said, I’m a curious sort. Contentment comes in brief spurts for me. Not happy sitting still with how things are. I want to change things up and repair and replace. I have to remind myself that others are not like me. They don’t always feel the need to upgrade or try a new approach. Often I’m so excited about my latest discovery or something I’m learning that I forget the basic need of most people is familiarity. And we all like to make our own discoveries. To be second is not nearly so cool as the person who discovered it first, whether it be the North Pole or the latest TV show.

So I sit here somewhat contently, learning my new stuff and getting excited about my next project.

Slipping Into a Coma

Cliff
Cliff (Photo credit: Oneras)

It’s difficult to work long hours then come home and write. It’s difficult to raise a family and keep a roof over their heads. What do these two things have in common? They are both things we want. And we want them more than the task is difficult.

The difficulty of the task is what heightens our awareness. If a task is easy we lose focus. We nod off. We slip into a coma. zzzzzz. Yeah, I’m right there with you. Ask the guy climbing the sheer rock face of the cliff. Does he have trouble focusing? Is his mind wandering? Maybe thinking about the game last night? No! He’s trying to stay alive. And maybe in the process he’ll make it to the top of the mountain and watch the little bitty people on the ground.

Are you having trouble staying focused every day? Maybe a couple of caffeinated drinks aren’t what you need. You’re bored?

Notice the symptoms. When does it start? Is it the job? Or it could be you’ve forgotten why you’re there. Pep talk time. You’re there to earn some money. That money pays the rent. It buys the groceries. Maybe you’ve forgotten your value. Do you need a reminder?

Petrochelidon pyrrhonota (Cliff Swallows - low...
Petrochelidon pyrrhonota (Cliff Swallows – lower) and Riparia riparia (Sand Martins – upper) (Photo credit: Arthur Chapman)

Did you forget where you were going? What thrilled you when you started? Remember that. Climb your mountain, dance your dance. No matter if it seems impossible. Even if it is completely impossible. So you never make it to the top. Who cares? Enjoy the climb.

Writing Like Mad

Tattoo Art Fest (082/290) - 04-06Jul08, Paris ...

What else can I say? Keep on writing. Just keep swimming. Go Johnny go, go, go. Is there anything else? You go until you feel the momentum shift. The need changes. When the need is gone. Why? Why do you just keep going? Can you do anything else? If the desire is there, if the vision is filling your head, is there any other life for you?

I often wondered why I couldn’t be normal. Why was I not happy or content with just being an average person? Why did I feel the continual urge to move things? To shift things? I hated the fact that I wasn’t content with the house and the car and the children and the dog. I loved those things. I adored being a mom. I loved the feeling of family and nurturing involved with that. But it was always as if I had on the inside of me a pulsating need to change things.

I have a difficult time listening to the news. It’s hard to listen to the idiocy that people debate over. The whole Democrat versus Republican and throw in a dash of the Tea Party, with a splash of Independents on the side. It doesn’t matter what cloth you drape over it, it’s still all in shambles. They still are arguing over the same petty bridges and hills. So I walk away.

They won’t be changed. In the words of Hugh McLeod, Ignore Everybody. “Don’t try to stand out from the crowd. Avoid crowds altogether.” Gaping Void-Avoid Crowds Altogether 

There are times when the voices in my head tell me to just sit down. Why am I bothering? What am I trying to do?

Honestly, I’m not trying to do anything. I bother because, I can’t not bother. I have to. Once someone asked why I write. Without thinking it comes out so simply. I must. All of these thoughts and emotions are bubbling up inside of me and the only way to get any peace or calmness is to write them down. When I write it’s like the door opens and the herd of horses storm out of the barn all at once. I write down the main ideas and go back to fill in the middle, because I can’t stand the thought of not remembering something. When I’m with someone and I talk about these ideas I have, these emotions and thoughts, it’s difficult for me to express them with any sensible understanding. It comes out as gibberish. In my head it all sounds right. I know what I want to say, I just have trouble putting order to the words. At least with writing I can do that.

I still think how simple life would be if I were content with my place in life. But then if others were content with their “place” where would society be? No change happens by merely being content. When I was in high school and was running an eight mile fundraiser, my friend said I needed to learn how to pace myself. Surely they knew what they were talking about. So I believed them. I took their critique and tried to pace myself. And I remember it all the time. The funny thing is, it never works for me. It’s not my style. When I worked in the church and Christianity, a different friend said I needed to learn to pace myself again. That Jesus wanted us to walk along beside him hand in hand. Guess what? I believed that person also. And truly I tried. I cried out to God asking why I couldn’t be a better more thankful child of God? But you know what? God never told me to pace myself.

Did you ever go on a walk with children? They are either lagging behind picking flowers and playing with the lizards or running ahead to see what’s around the corner. Exuberance. Alive. Free.

Some people cannot stand that you're moving on...

If you have been around on Christmas morning with a couple of kids, you’ll know one thing for certain. There is excitement in the air, whether there are 20 packages under the tree or just a few. They can’t wait to open those presents. My brothers and I would beg my parents a week before Christmas, “Please, just one. Can we open just one now?”

Would you want it any other way? What if your kids were ho-hum about Christmas morning? “Later mom. I want to finish this cartoon first.” Not on your life. As adults we forget exuberance, because friends and experts tell us to pace ourselves. When was the last time you felt that alive? The thrill of a roller-coaster,  the mud between your toes, the wind blowing in your face, or the taste of ice cream all cold and sweet. Remember what it was like as five and excited about riding your bike or playing chase.

Do I want to be content? Do I want to pace myself? No! I want to burst out laughing at stupid jokes. I want to run as fast as I can. I want to stand on the bridge and feel the cold wind blow against my body pressing me backwards. I want to live. Sometimes my life’s full of the “just keep swimming” mantras. I’m okay with that.

A funny thing happened to me. I went to a different physician. My insurance had changed and my favorite doctor was not contracted with the new insurance. My new doctor seems fine, but she had her agenda and I had mine. I wanted to get in, get out, and get things scheduled that I needed scheduled. There are medical things that only a doctor can offer so I go through the routine that’s required. Her agenda was to instruct me on eating healthy. Eat 3 servings of dairy a day (I don’t eat dairy). Women are not getting enough calcium and vitamin D in their diet. When I commented on the lack of vitamin D being from working in the office and not going outside, she quickly countered. Sun exposure causes cancer and we need to shield ourselves by applying sunscreen and avoiding long exposure.  Somewhere in the lecture my mind shut off.

My diet is not approved by my doctor I guess. And as far as avoiding the sun, not likely to happen. I love the sun. I can’t live my life avoiding life, being super cautious and playing it safe. As I mentioned, I want to live. I want to feel the rain on my face and splash in mud puddles. I love to get lost in a book and forget to go to bed. Those are the moments of our lives. The exuberance of running ahead or lagging behind is what proves that we are human. We can delight. We can be sad. We can lose our temper. We are alive!

Limitations, Boundaries, and those cute Picket Fences

mskittyshoulderSometimes when I’m in the bathroom my cat will sit on the floor and stare at me. It’s annoying. You may ask why I don’t lock her out. I feel guilty. She is home alone all day so I feel I shouldn’t limit my time with her. So I resent her stare.

Games we play

This is the game we play and you may recognize it. She stares and I feel guilty. I pet her and allow her to rub around my legs, until. There’s only so much I can take with all that attention. We both mean well.

The funny thing about it is, when I am with her overextended vacations, she still meows when she doesn’t see me in the room with her. If I step outside to take out the trash or go run an errand, it’s no different. She still wants the same amount of attention as she did when I’m only home for a few hours. So in my great reasoning, I don’t think it’s because she misses me.
I read somewhere that a cat’s memory is only a few minutes. She doesn’t know how long I’ve been gone.

This guilt I feel is just empty guilt. I am projecting how I would feel in her shoes (paws).  So why am I feeling so miserable? What do I really want? I like it when we snuggle up on the couch together. I like it when she greets me in the morning. Even when I come home. The time when I’m in the bathroom and she’s staring at me is my fault. I let it happen. If I really want to be alone at that time I need to close the door. A simple thing really.

picket fence
picket fence (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

How often do we do this? We yell at people unnecessarily instead of metaphorically and physically closing the door. Have you ever told someone “Yes, I’ll do that for you,” when really you feel like vomiting at the thought of doing it? We go along with things when we have other plans. We say yes to their idea even when we disagree. It’s not necessary. We think we’re being kind. All we’re really doing is building up a reason to hate someone who we would normally love. That’s what resentment does. It builds a wall of hate. Get enough resentment built up and what happens? We yell. We scream. We blame. We walk away in anger. Is this what we want? Is it inevitable?

Kids need boundaries

http://www.examiner.com/article/why-children-need-boundaries
In the study with a group of children on a playground, the children without a fence around them did not play close to the edge but clustered towards the center. The children that were in a fenced area used the entire playground to play. So it would seem that if you place boundaries in your life and those around you, you are actually giving yourself freedom. Ironic isn’t it? I know in my life, I feel freer creatively, if no one is around to disturb me and there are no other pending appointments. When I know my creative time is short I feel pressure, which goes against every creative bone in my body.

Right here and now

I have the right to close my bathroom door so that I’m not stared at by my cat. I have the right to not answer my phone if I’m needing to work. I feel so much freer knowing that I can put a fence around my time and declare that this is my time. I can put up a fence and stick my flag in the ground. This is my time! Right here and now. Kings do it, presidents do it, astronauts do it in the name of their country, and so can you. If it helps, you can make yourself a flag and put it in the middle of your room or outside your closed door. Name your kingdom. Just remember, you are the enforcer. Even if your best friend calls or your mother, you have to let them know that you will have to call them later.

If this has not been a part of your life before, people may not honor your boundary. But if you continually tell them, eventually they will learn to respect your fence. With cats, children, spouses, or parents, it’s no different. They learn what we teach them. If we teach them that it’s okay to call us names and hurt our feelings (by allowing it), then that is what we will get. Some people in your life will need retraining. But that’s okay. Think of it as an experiment. Who is the easiest to teach? How long did it take? How did they react in comparison to a different person? Be firm, but not rude. repeat the same line 30 or 40 times if necessary. “I can’t talk now. I’ll call you at 5:00.”  Don’t explain. Don’t vary. I’ve used this technique several times and it’s like magic, but you have to state it firmly and without emotion.

What works for you? Leave a comment.

I’m not sticking my belly out

This is from the writer of “Formerly Hot

This is the lighter side of being not so young. I really wish I had her good humor about it. And I do have to check out this book. Looks to be funny!!

Have a wonderful day everyone!