I’m Not Jealous

While sitting in the waiting room at the doctors office, I had a funny conversation. HGTV was showing a couple buying a new home. This house was too little. That one was too old. None seemed just right for their $300,000.00 budget. Envy. Jealousy. Annoyance. Comments were flying in that waiting room. We were incredulous. She wanted a bigger kitchen but she didn’t cook. She loved having a brand new home (2 months) but didn’t like the construction that was happening around the neighborhood.

Not that I don’t understand completely. If I were paying $300,000.00 for a home, I’d want it just right also. Okay so maybe I do see her side of it, but a part of me was jealous that she took it so for granted.

While waiting for the doctor in the examining room it suddenly occurred to me, I’m not jealous
really. I’m happy to be able to walk away from that TV show and live my life. My life with a capital
MY. Healthy, happy, mature, and well lived. Much like the skinned horse from Velveteen Rabbit story, I like spouting wisdom and realism. My life is full and ordered to my liking and I have no desire for a big house with empty rooms. I enjoy every inch of my cozy home. I love the yellow walls and the sunlight that streams through the windows. I love the tall Oak trees. I’ll keep my life thanks.

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Change It Up!

So you’re tired of telling yourself that you never win anything. That you’re always the last to know. The loser. Stupid. Have to get everything the hard way. If you get any extra money, something will break. Or any other hysterically depressing life script. It’s not a laughing matter at all. Things can change for you. If you want them to.

Why are you jealous? This is a great navigation tool. We get jealous, irritated and mean if someone gets an opportunity that we wanted.

Someone’s bragging about their perfect marriage? An opportunity to go back to school? A moment in the limelight? Yep, we all know the feeling. I get really irritated when I hear that some celebrity has published a book. And it’s a children’s book. I pull out my collapsible podium and go at them. How dare they? What qualifies them to write anything? They are a celebrity, they didn’t need introduced to anyone. No technique or craft skills. That’s not fair! Probably never read a book themselves. Yeah, I hope you like the ugly side of me in a jealous fit. Like it or not, we all take a trip down that road. Your sister, your sister-in-law or just an acquaintance has a baby and their baby is absolutely adorable. Cough, cough, gag.

Tell your new story

I know that we can’t control what happens in other people’s lives. We do have some ability to work with own life and outlook. If the story of a friend’s vacation makes you want to punch her, take a hint. Ding ding ding. Are you wanting a vacation? Do you feel you deserve one? Or do you feel you’ve worked harder than her and didn’t take one? Investigate your envy. Develop a method of investigating your irritations instead of ignoring them. The “Not Fair” flashing alert sign comes on for me at times. And now with the anger comes the question, “what am I missing in this?” Am I wanting what they have? Or the ability to have a choice?

Old depressing life script: I have to work hard to get anywhere. I would get extremely upset when I notice someone get a promotion or the limelight when I felt they didn’t work hard enough for it. She only got the job because her family was friends with the boss. And I can roll around in the pain and anger or I can get up and live my life.  So I chose to live my life. I decided to change my story.

New life script: I live my life, my path. Sometimes I work hard and sometimes helpful people give me hand up.

Old: I need to catch up. I need to go faster or I will get left behind.

New: I am going at my speed. Life has different speeds. This is not a timed race and there’s no finish line.

Find proof in your memories of your new story. You’ve done the hardest part. You’ve identified what makes you jealous. You’ve turned it into a new story, the story you want to develop inside of you. Now let’s give it some life. Find a memory that supports your new story. For example, my new story, sometimes I work hard and sometimes helpful people give me a hand up. Well I’ve been given opportunities that others didn’t get because they knew I would do the job. They saw my hard work. I earned the opportunity, you might say, by being a steadfast person. I know the people. I know in life, because I put one foot in front of the other even on days that I felt like sitting at home. This does not mean that I’m always perfect or deserving. I am certainly not wanting to gloat because, I am extremely thankful for all the help and votes of confidence. I am thankful for the pilgrim who founded my country with a document stating our rights to freedom. I am thankful for pioneers who braved harsh climates and loss and death. It gives me courage to keep trying even when the future looks bleak. I am thankful for women who demanded equal rights.

I am thankful for every challenging and difficult woman or man who refused to sit down and shut up when their rights were challenged.

This is what I am talking about. I am blessed. I am blessed with choices and opportunities. My parents gave me a solid foundation of love and helped me grow. the list goes on. I am building on a foundation laid by generations of people before me. Champions. I live my life, my path. Sometimes I work hard and sometimes helpful people give me hand up.

Energy flows to where your attention goes. If you are driving in the fog and it’s difficult to see, maybe all you can see is the car in front of you. That’s your focus, your guide. Otherwise you may drift off the road. Your life-script is your guidance. When the times are tough you have to remember that this doesn’t last forever. That a new day will come. When someone else gets the job you wanted, you have to remember that you are just as blessed. Maybe they did get it because their boss favors them. But tomorrow is a new day. That boss may not last another week, you don’t know. I’ve seen it happen. That sure thing can fall through and what do they have to fall back on? What do you have to fall back on? You have your life story.

Find your jealous flashing lights. Turn the story around. Build the story with examples you highlight from your memories. Keep doing this all of your life. I guarantee you will not regret it. When you are in your olden years you can say, I lived my life and I am blessed.