Getting the Agoraphobia Out In the Open

I have a touch of agoraphobia. I think. I’m not sure if that’s what it would be called exactly, but I don’t like leaving home. I also don’t like being without my car. Home and car are security blankets. My vehicles of protection. Shelter. It’s a strange feeling. I don’t like crowds of people like carnivals and malls, but I see that as being different from my agoraphobia. Away from home feels unsafe. I’m not relaxed. Everything revolves around getting finished with whatever it is that’s keeping me away from my safe place and when I’m finished I can collapse in relief. I’m home. I’m not sure what causes this feeling.

I’m not scared when I’m away. I’m just uncomfortable. To me it’s like having shoes that are too tight. I walk just fine, but it would feel so much better without them on. Or it’s like going outside a sunny day. The glare of the sun in your eyes makes everything you do a bit more difficult. That’s the best way I can describe it. I can function and most would never know that I have an issue, unless I tell them. I really like being at home.

The definition of agoraphobia is a fear of being outside or otherwise being in a situation from which one either cannot escape or from which escaping would be difficult or humiliating. – Medicinenet.com

This is funny but true:

Physical symptoms are rare because most people with agoraphobia avoid situations that they believe will trigger panic. – MedicalNewsToday.com

This isn’t a topic I think about much, except it seems to be creeping in just a bit more all the time. When I was younger I had a lot of responsibilities. People to care for and obligations to keep. Now, it’s only me. I can do most of my shopping online. I pay my bills and compare prices online. The day I can work from home, I may be in trouble. This is one reason I like running. It gets me outside in the sunshine and fresh air.

I wonder if my neighbors think I’m a psychopath. I’ve lived here for over 5 years and still don’t know anyone’s name. We’ve talked. They’ve helped me dig my car out of the snow. I even almost proposed to one guy. I felt so grateful for his helping me get unstuck. I wonder what he’d have thought about that.

Just a note to all of my friends: As I get older, you may have to intervene. I don’t ask for much, but if you buy me a ticket to a Thirty Seconds To Mars concert, I will leave my house. Even in the ice and snow. Right Nicole and David?