Sometimes I just need to let go. Let go of the plans. Let go of the expectations. Let go of my disappointment. I wonder what life would feel like in free fall. I’m not a complete control freak…really. I know some of my friends will laugh at that. But I like to know where I’m going. Surprises are fine, if they are good. Who am I fooling? Yes, I’m a control freak. I confess. I tried to adapt once and it just didn’t work for me. I blame my birth sign. I was born a Virgo and I am true to the sign.

There’s a Swedish detective TV show called Wallander. In the first episode, the detective is talking with his father. The older man has developed signs of Alzheimer and the two have put aside their grievances to come to terms with the disease. The older man said, “When you were a boy you used to ask me about my work, the painting. ‘Why are they always the same, Dad?’ ‘Why don’t you do something different?’ I could never explain. You see, each morning, when I start, I think I’ll do something else. This morning I’ll paint a seascape. This morning I’ll do a still life, maybe an abstract, just splash the paint, see where it takes me. And then I start, and every time, I paint the same thing. The landscape. Whatever I do, this is what comes out. What you’ve got is your painting. I may not like it, you may not like it, but it’s yours.”

This reminds me of the word integrity. Some have taken and tried to misuse it, saying it means goodness or purity, but it originally didn’t.  Integrity only means something true to itself. A sword would have integrity if it retained its shape, strength, and stamina after a battle. A framework for a house has integrity if it holds strong after a storm. It doesn’t mean without flaws or godly or any of that nonsense. It remains true to its intended use or strength.

I find it funny that for years of my life I tried to be someone else. I held up a false front and pretended. But after a while I got tired of pretending. Somewhere along the way I think I even forgot that I was pretending. That time has passed for me. So who am I kidding? I am a Virgo and I am true to the sign.

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