Is it Judging?

I was a naive child. Usually playing on the playground with the same group of kids every day. We’d played games like tag or tangle. But one day I was playing in the dirt with a different group of kids. And then there was “Dee,” obviously not her real name. She said open your mouth and close your eyes and I’ll give you a big surprise. Suspiciously I asked if she was going to put something in my mouth. Of course not she said. Okay, silly person that I was, I opened my mouth. Guess what? I got dirt in my mouth. I spit and sprayed while grabbing dirt to throw on her. She was long gone laughing all the way. I need to find her and thank her for a lesson that should have been well learned. You know the lesson, don’t believe everything you’re told. People lie. Be skeptical.

I grew up in an honest home. My parents are upfront, trustworthy, salt of the earth people. You could hand them your entire life savings and when you returned to pick it up, you’d get it all back. My mom would drive back across town to return a penny if she was given too much change. Of course it’s also true that if you did them wrong by trying to cheat or harm them, they will never darken your door again. So I didn’t know deceit. Elementary school was a wake up for me. It was my first experience with lying and cheating.

I’ve learned. I can make better judgement calls now and more so as I get older. I try to discern if they are intending to scam me or if they are honest. What I’m uncertain about is if there is a difference between discerning and judging. I looked the words up online since I’ve always thought there was a difference. Judging was something the Sunday school teacher taught that we shouldn’t do. And it was left with that. No talk about it’s okay to decide to avoid people who appeared dangerous, just Don’t Judge. Judging is wrong. Which left us good little girls in a bad situation. If you prevent judgement in all cases then we don’t have any defense to prevent rape, murder, or any other harm. Surely that’s not what they meant. But God protected us. Where was he when the girl put dirt in my mouth or when some boy was pressuring us into sex? Did we have the right to say no?

Being good and subservient does not go well with standing up for your rights. At the same time purity was taught. If you don’t understand the dilemma I completely understand. I’m not sure I do either. There were very few secrets from the all-knowing God or the pastor that God spoke to continually. He knew every evil thought and every judgement you made about another.

Today, I hate and despise these ideals. I don’t believe kids need to sit down and shut up. I also believe they need to learn how to decide. I say eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. Eat often. Learn, decide, choose, and be skeptical. We were not meant to be sheep thrown out into the pasture with wolves and dogs. I was unprepared for life and I know that I was not alone. It was a sad trick someone played on us. Dressed up in our frilly pink dresses, we were told to go outside and play, but don’t get dirty.

Maybe I’m just angry. I was powerless and told it was right. Any power I had felt wrong. I worried for years that someone would find out and reprimand me. NO MORE. I’ve worked very hard in my life for freedom. To have the right to discern and judge for myself. I now decide if something is good for me or will do me harm. It’s not based on anyone else’s ideal, only my own well-being. And it feels right.

There are other words. Maybe you can tell if there is a difference.

Discern – discriminate, distinguish, differentiate, separate, contrast

Judge – examine, determine, evaluate, figure out, inspect, interpret

Skeptical – cautious, suspicious, leery, unconvinced, not following

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FEvXzSXUEao

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Running a day in my shoes

I went running yesterday. It looks so easy when you see someone else doing it. Let’s just say I thought I was dying there for several minutes. I was only active for 30 minutes but the after-effects were felt for a couple of hours. It’s crazy because running, like other activities, seems so harmless and painless, until you’re running in your own shoes.

Reality check. I can give advice. Dish it out cold and with a full set of instructions. Because I know. Like saving money. At the end of the month I have big plans. I’m NOT going to spend money so freely the next month. I’m going to budget and put more into savings! That’s right about the time I get the clever idea that I will wash my car and my kitchen will stay clean. Yep, I have grandiose plans.

While I was going up the hill, I kept thinking, this is what it’s like when reality hits the road. It’s a good thing. It helps me to filter through my whims. I can decide what it is that I really want, not just the fun ideas from Pinterest or the things the commercials tell me I want. Reality checks help me see through the romanticized life.

A perfect marriage is one of those things. I knew of a couple which from all appearances were wonderful together. Both entrepreneurs and similar lifestyles. They traveled worldwide together. It all seemed so beautifully romantic and perfect. But it wasn’t  They are now going their separate ways. If you are working on a marriage and both parties are cooperative you can come to a workable solution. You live and alter your expectations continually until you have a realistic livable life.

Life feels different when you’re stepping out to do your version. No matter how many books and videos you’ve seen it never feels like you think it should. You may know how you want it to look. As you walk out your front door, when you are out there alone, you can feel naked and vulnerable. It seems everyone is looking at you and judging you. All of your doubts are exposed and your ineptness is showing. But it’s not. Truly other people rarely notice your flaws in the way that you do. Mostly we rarely notice anyone but ourselves. When we do see them, we see them as “that other person” and we get back to our own life. 

There’s a reality check in actually doing an activity. So as I was walking up the hill struggling to get my breath, cars passed and kept on driving. I continued on in my introspective way, knowing what it feels like to begin running. To begin a process and work it through. No one was critiquing my stance or pace. I was simply someone walking up a steep hill. I do enjoy the running, just not the wheezing and the hills. I will look for some alternate running places and maybe invest in some better shoes. http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=reality%20check

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Certainty

How would you act if you didn’t know? If you can’t make a decision or nothing seems right? I don’t know about you, but that’s when I often panic. It hits me like a knife in my belly. My first reaction is to shut down. But that’s not going to help.

I’ve been searching through religion information a lot lately. I’m now to the point of not knowing what my beliefs are. Well I’ve been there actually which is why I was searching. I keep trying on different beliefs to see if they fit. So far none seem right. So I’m at a standoff with my own beliefs. I’m not quite sure what it is I do believe. And somewhere in my head I keep thinking I need to name it something. Doesn’t it need to be categorized? I’ve stopped trying to label it now and am just enjoying the learning experience.

It’s funny how beliefs seem like absolute truth at times. I’ve given up my childhood faith of heaven and hell but I’m not quite certain about life after death. While listening to several atheists such as Christopher Hitchens, Seth Andrews and Richard Dawkins, I felt a sense of loss. They don’t believe in any afterlife at all. After questioning myself I decided I didn’t want to give up my belief in life after death since it felt too disappointing not to believe. This made me laugh. Since when does my belief or their lack of belief make anything so. I could believe in a land of magical clouds and pink butterflies after death and it wouldn’t change what will really happen or not happen.

We spend most of our lives deciding. Big things. Little things. We choose what to eat, what to wear, where to work. Most of us try our best to do what we consider the right thing. We pick out food that’s good for us and for our family. At least we try. We teach our kids what they need to know for their daily lives, well, again we try. Sometimes life gives us a bump or a shove and we find out that what we thought was the best thing for our children or our health was all wrong. There are times that life slams it down on you so hard you don’t know what hit you. For instance, my former mother-in-law died recently. Complications from breast cancer. She had the biopsy. She took the treatments. She rested and she was getting better. Until. Until the cancer came back and she started treatments again. This time the treatments made her weak.. And suddenly you get the call you least expect.  Her kidneys failed. She was better. How did this happen?

What do you do when you don’t know for certain that you are doing the right thing? How do you handle it? Do you slow down and consider it more? Do you just keep going until it hits you in the face?

My recent reevaluation of my childhood faith has me reeling. I feel like I’ve been awakened from a dream. It is a dream, right? How did I believe those untruths? Ironically, my current doubt comes from the fact that I was so certain before. I knew that I knew that I knew. Truth. Absolute certainty.

It shakes us, but we don’t quit. We keep making decisions and we keep getting up. Because we are alive, we dust ourselves off and choose another direction. It’s not always that we make all great choices. Success comes because we keep making choices. We don’t always have the odds in our favor but as one poker player said, it’s about winning enough of the time. 

Are you sure-radiolab

It’s not about winning the hand all the time, but about winning the hand enough of the time. -Annie Duke http://www.radiolab.org/2013/mar/26/dealing-doubt/

There’s an intriguing story about a woman who incorrectly identified her attacker. It convicted and sentenced an innocent man for a crime he never committed. She was certain it was him. In her words, What do I do? I can’t make this right. – Penny Beerntsen http://www.radiolab.org/2013/mar/26/reasonable-doubt/

In the Buddhist mind, it’s not only alright to have doubt, but it’s commended and desired to not have any knowing. In the Quantum physics field it is known that a particle doesn’t become a particle until it is observed. Or so I heard.

I wonder sometimes if it might be better stay uncertain, to not form a fixed belief. And if you do have a belief or a judgement, to keep it not so solid. Let it flow and change as time goes on. So I wonder, is it better to have a religion, a belief? Or is it better to explore the possibilities?

On Having No Head http://www.amazon.com/Having-No-Head-Rediscovery-Obvious/dp/1878019198

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Your Drama is Spinning

Drama is fun. If you’ve ever been in the middle of a big, chaotic ball of drama you know what I mean. The person at the center of the drama gets tons of attention. The people surrounding her act as her courtiers, fanning, patting and all the little comforts necessary. We all have times that this is necessary, but there are those that create it. Maybe it’s not intentional, but they created it nonetheless.

Have you ever noticed the lull after the big holiday season? Or maybe after the sports season? It’s difficult to know what to do. No rush. No big fire to put out. It’s been said that the hardest times are during the holidays. That’s true if a loved one is no longer with you. For the rest of the population the highest suicide rates are after the holidays. In January.

Why is that? Why is the let down after the chaos so difficult to cope with? You’ve just made it through all the rush and energy zapping events and now there’s a feeling of disappointment. We’ve used up all of our energy and there’s no outside event demanding our attention. We were probably running on pure adrenaline for days already then we stop. You would think you would be relieved, but no our mind is using its balancing methods to support the previous vigor.  It’s been called Dynamic Equilibrium. The body needs stability and our entire system tries to keep up the same weight, the same speed.

This is what It was like before I made boundaries. Here are some things that help me cope. These are some tools to let life flow more moderately.

Your voice. Saying no or speaking up is difficult, but it’s a necessary tool in many situations. There are things to consider before speaking. Would it serve me better to leave the situation, or to let someone know that something is wrong? Such as Thelma, your best friend, talks nonstop and rarely filters when she’s talking. Part of the reason you love her so much is her outgoing personality. There are days that her talking gives you a headache. So the two of you have planned to travel to the beach this weekend. You’ll be in the car for several hours. What should you do? Tell her to limit her talking or just don’t go? Tough call.

Your mobility.  Walk away. Distance yourself from the chaos. Sometimes you don’t have control of the environment around you. Once I was out with a guy friend. We were going to cook so I didn’t eat before I went. I was hungry and looking forward to some time together. He wanted to stop over and check on an older friend of his. The older man’s health wasn’t great. I was thinking 30 minutes and we’ll be out of there. No, not 30. 45 minutes were creeping into an hour. I felt bored, hungry and impatient. And feeling sick from not eating. But I sat there. Didn’t say anything. It was close to 2 hours before we left and I was angry. Afterwards I knew how I should have handled it. I should have politely told him that I was going to run an errand, stopped and ate a taco or burger and came back later. I would have been happy and taken care of myself. Yes it was rude of him to visit with these people for so long when we had earlier plans, but I can’t control other people. What I do have is the ability to get my keys and take care of myself.

Your environment. Surround yourself with your stuff. What makes you happy? Hot tea at noon? Snacks? Can you listen to music? Make your personal space like your home. Claim your space as much as you can. Pick out your major purchases for your own convenience. Dependability is very important to me. I like car that can respond quickly. So I bought something with a certified warranty. It cost a bit more but for my peace of mind it was worth it. I extended the loan period to cover the monthly fee which goes against all of the advise I’ve ever received, but the alternative was to get a car that I wouldn’t trust. Worry is my flaw. Being single in a large city, means I have little backup . No spouse to call to take me to work or repair my vehicle on the weekend. So AAA is my back up. I’ve arranged my life to fit my needs.

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Useful

What am I good for? Do I need to be useful? Does my right to live depend on whether I’m useful? Isn’t that missing the point? I am alive. That’s reason enough. The flowers don’t ask if they have the right to exist, so neither will I. My movement, my actions, my everyday living carves my name on this earth. If I belong, it is only because I’ve decided that I belong. Somewhere in our lives we may have skulked to the sidelines. We’ve decided that someone else needs to give us permission to live. That person over there needs to pick us, to tell us to step forward, that we’ve been chosen. At that moment we will squeal and jump up and down, delighting and thrilling because someone found us worthy. Why do we wait? Why do we want someone other than ourselves to call on us? Is it because we don’t feel good enough? Or maybe it’s just because we didn’t think we could. Step up! Stand up and yell, “I want to play.” Run up and join in the game of life. If you want to do something, start doing it. You don’t need discovered. This is your world. You belong. Who you are now is perfect. You are chosen, you are called. By your very birth you are chosen.

For far too long we wait. We stand in line, never cut in front of others. Polite. In life it doesn’t work that way. Yes, kindergartners still need to raise their hands and stand in line, but you aren’t a child anymore. Stand up. Cut in line and do what needs to be done. If you have an idea that will change the world or even change your neighborhood, tell someone. Tell everyone. Write it, yell it, say it. No one is going to call on you because they have no idea you exist. People aren’t mind readers.

The moment you decide to step up won’t be a magical moment. There won’t be angels singing or violins playing. If we want music we will have to play it ourselves. One thing I can promise that seems magical to me, you will see life with different eyes. Life will become more steps to take rather than whether you are approved of or not. I cringe when I hear people stating, I don’t think they like me or she didn’t like what I said. Who cares? I have to focus on myself. Do I like what I am doing? Do I approve of what I am saying. Am I saying what I want to say?

I want to live true to myself. I want to say what resonates in me.

When walking up the steps of a staircase, each step is not wrong. Or a failure. Just as I step up-one step at a time-and then to the next step above, doesn’t make me a failure. No, I’m not at the destination, but I’m stepping up. Each step is necessary. Remove one step and it all falls down. It’s all important. We are all useful.

 

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True to the Sign

Virgo Symbol

Sometimes I just need to let go. Let go of the plans. Let go of the expectations. Let go of my disappointment. I wonder what life would feel like in free fall. I’m not a complete control freak…really. I know some of my friends will laugh at that. But I like to know where I’m going. Surprises are fine, if they are good. Who am I fooling? Yes, I’m a control freak. I confess. I tried to adapt once and it just didn’t work for me. I blame my birth sign. I was born a Virgo and I am true to the sign.

There’s a Swedish detective TV show called Wallander. In the first episode, the detective is talking with his father. The older man has developed signs of Alzheimer and the two have put aside their grievances to come to terms with the disease. The older man said, “When you were a boy you used to ask me about my work, the painting. ‘Why are they always the same, Dad?’ ‘Why don’t you do something different?’ I could never explain. You see, each morning, when I start, I think I’ll do something else. This morning I’ll paint a seascape. This morning I’ll do a still life, maybe an abstract, just splash the paint, see where it takes me. And then I start, and every time, I paint the same thing. The landscape. Whatever I do, this is what comes out. What you’ve got is your painting. I may not like it, you may not like it, but it’s yours.”

Forgetting the Words to Your Favorite Song

This reminds me of the word integrity. Some have taken and tried to misuse it, saying it means goodness or purity, but it originally didn’t.  Integrity only means something true to itself. A sword would have integrity if it retained its shape, strength, and stamina after a battle. A framework for a house has integrity if it holds strong after a storm. It doesn’t mean without flaws or godly or any of that nonsense. It remains true to its intended use or strength.

I find it funny that for years of my life I tried to be someone else. I held up a false front and pretended. But after a while I got tired of pretending. Somewhere along the way I think I even forgot that I was pretending. That time has passed for me. So who am I kidding? I am a Virgo and I am true to the sign.

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Freedom’s Just Another Word

What is freedom? I often get freedom and sheer exhilaration confused. Pardon my blonde moment please. I’ve often longed for freedom as a child longs for the last day of school. Or the first day of the fair. Running out the double doors and hearing the handles clang open. The cars lined up to take you away. Yes, it’s the exhilaration of the first day of summer vacation. But that’s not freedom.

So what is freedom? What is it we all long for? Of course it sounds like heaven to take off anywhere you please at any time of the day or night. Yes, it’s good. Not having to ask permission to buy a candy bar feels pretty darn free. But there isn’t always an emotion attached to that freedom. The first time you pay rent on that new apartment doesn’t always feel pleasant. Even if you are just as free on your own as the day you moved in. And the first morning you woke up by yourself with no rules other than your own. These can all be considered moments of freedom but so is the day you have to do your own laundry and cook your own meal.

Most of the time I think of freedom as what it’s not. Freedom is not being told what you can eat or can’t eat. How long you can wear your hair or if you can cut it short. Freedom sometimes seems only as not being held down, not being trapped, or not controlled. If that is freedom, the other side is there also. Because when you are free you must also take care of yourself. Yes I am free to choose my clothing and I am also free to buy it. I am responsible for the care of my household, which most of the time makes me smile since I realize it’s because I’m free.

I am free to speak my mind in a public or private gathering. I am also obliged to receive feedback or comments also. Otherwise that’s not freedom, that’s bully pulpiting or grandstanding.

Freedom is a blessing. I am free to work at a job to earn my own keep. I am free to have friendships and I am free to behave friendly and keep up those friendships.

I don’t want to get caught in the trap of youth that declares freedom but forgets the character of freedom is held firm by responsibility. Freedom is like the river water flowing freely and swiftly. As it rushes down the mountainside, it flows over a riverbed of stone and dirt that has formed over the years. What packed the dirt so firmly? What do the flowers and vines freely grow in? Freedom must have strong resilience and a responsible character. They go together.

For to be free is not merely to cast off one’s chains, but to live in a way that respects and enhances the freedom of others. Nelson Mandela

A sense of freedom is something that, happily, comes with age and life experience. Diane Keaton
Yoga is a way to freedom. By its constant practice, we can free ourselves from fear, anguish and loneliness. Indra Devi

Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_freedom38.html#Xcm4V84HiAdxD5fS.99

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You Win

Your life is not a failure. My life is not a failure. We haven’t quit and we haven’t failed. Let me set the scene for what I’m talking about. Years ago, women had big families, not always because they wanted to. Men had to work long hours in the fields or doing jobs wherever they could. Coal mining, deep-sea fishing, fighting wars they didn’t start. This was their lives, how they bent. Like the tree swaying with the wind, they leaned and they bent so they didn’t break. We inherited generations’ worth of genetics and heritage. Maybe you have Granddad’s blue eyes or his height. Remember he was so tall he had to stoop when he came through the door frame? Well my gramps was tall and thin. I remember his jean overalls and his pipe. I also remember how his shoulders had a bit of slump. I also remember my mom telling my brother to sit up straight. A lot.

Most of us try to kick habits and to better ourselves. We encourage our kids to study hard and take the steps for success just as we’ve done for ourselves. So you’ve tried to lose the weight. I know you have. It’s not because you lack willpower. Maybe it’s the technique or maybe it’s not. You want to be healthy. You want to stop smoking. You want to watch your kids grow up. You haven’t failed. Get back up. take another step. If you’ve reached this point there is this one thing you need to know. There are some things in life we learn to live with. That doesn’t mean you’ll never quit that habit. It just means there aren’t any miracle cures.

I know people who have personality disorders. I’m sure you do too. I know those that have diabetes and heart problems that would love a miracle cure. And someday medicine and science may find that cure. But until that day we have to handle our bodies with their handicaps as if we might have to live with them. I think with all the self-help and positive thinking we forgot something. Genetics and hereditary still play a part in our lives. Take a tall lanky child for instance. It doesn’t matter how many books you stack on his head, or how many mantras or meditations he would do. He’s going to be tall. And with that will possibly come the stooped shoulders. Thanks Granddad.

I’m blessed with my mom’s pot belly. I’ve never had a flat stomach. When I was 20 I weighed 110 pounds and still had a belly. I could do setups on a slant board. One day I did over 50. Flat stomach? Ha! Nope. Will I stop trying to lose weight? probably not. I’m stubborn like that. And like my continual effort to write my thoughts, like my always wanting to push just a little harder, comes the constant tug of war between wanting to have a thin body and the desire for more ice cream. Some things don’t change.

You exist and no one can take that away from you.

This is a daily lifestyle. This is your daily life. How you live each day doesn’t decide if you fail or win. You win regardless. You are here. You are alive, so you win. You exist, so you can’t lose. It’s not “if I can buy status symbol car I win” sort of deal. If you have no car, if you have no legs, if you have no job, you still win. You exist and no one can take that away from you. What winning looks like to each person is different. Maybe you need to revamp the image you have in your head of what winning is to you. That’s easy.

There are some things that will not change, so we deal with them. Not in a negative “put up with” way. Every day I get up and eat breakfast and take 15 – 30 minutes to wake up. I need that. Eating is mandatory or my body will get shaky and my head will hurt. These are the things I know about myself. There’s no overcoming necessary. This is me. I deal with me. I accept who I am and take the steps needed to make sure I have a meal and slow wake ups. Caring for myself.

You may never get over your fear of dogs. Or heights. You may not finish that bucket list before you die. Don’t let that stop you from putting impossible dreams on your list. It’s okay if you never see the Eiffel Tower or dive into the deep end of the swimming pool. When I was young I thought I had to be able to do everything. I thought I had to conquer every fear and challenge. Where did this thought come from? I really don’t know, but I’m glad to know it’s not true. I don’t have to EVER climb mount Everest. I NEVER EVER have to skydive. Silly as it may seem, I lived the first 30 years of my life thinking I needed to be able to do these things and not be afraid of them. How unrealistic. Somewhere along the way I decided to just stay afraid. Then I learned true freedom.

It’s perfectly alright to live imperfectly.

So forget striving for the top and pushing yourself til you break. The living is not in constant raw edge. The living just is. Right now, regardless if you are on the edge, on the top, or laying somewhere on the bottom after falling over, you are alive. You win.

 

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Can’t Stop Running And Can’t Keep Up

56/365 morning run

I had someone tell me once that they had difficulty writing because they were always correcting their mistakes. I tried to explain the crazy and insane process of most writers but I don’t think I got the idea across. Like most people writers are nit-picky perfectionists. We want to cross all our T’s and dot our I’s also. We care about how everything looks just as much as anyone but your perfect first draft doesn’t impress me.

Writing is a craft. the correct usage of words and the perfect timing of sentences, these are the work of someone who has over many years developed the ability to hear the flow. To be able to develop a paragraph of fiction that sets you on the edge of your seat doesn’t happen in one writing. Writers have learned. First you take all the chaos of a story or whatever it is you want to say and you DUMP it in the middle of the paper. It’s a mess but it feels good to get it all out there. Then you walk away. Leave it there. Kinda like my picture of God in Genesis. BOOM, BANG! That’s where I want to hang the universe.

English: running

After some time later you start combing through all that crap on your page. Reorder here, cut there and add some more in to rephrase to the n’th degree until it reads exactly the way you want it. And it’s not finished until it’s perfect. Writers rarely sit down at a typewriter and start from the beginning Chapter 1. Never have. That’s why we have pencils and paper.

Sometimes I get myself into the frenzy of fixing everything. Those pants need hemmed. That filter is dirty. Ugh, the toilet needs cleaned. And the list goes on. If I’m not careful, I’m the frenzied lady who snaps at people in the grocery store because I still have laundry to do. Stop. Wait. Halt. It will get done. There’s no need to trip. I have to remember to enjoy this moment.

Here’s a quote from a blog I read,

WE ARE BECOMING ADDICTED TO CHAOS AND FRENZY

In talking with a bunch of MBA students at Brigham Young University the other night, I was asked whether blogging was really going to die soon. I replied, naturally, that radio died shortly after TV started, so yes, that was likely. (I wish there were a sarcasm font, but you get it). I did say, however, that we are the problem.

We are addicted to next. When we read our inbox, we’re always thinking about the next mail. When we browse the web, we are calibrated to scan quickly, skim often, and barely register what we see. It’s neither good nor bad. But it definitely is.

YOU CAN’T KEEP UP

A woman three days ago said, “I don’t like Twitter. I can’t keep up.” I said, “You don’t have to keep up. It’s a stream. Dip in. Say hi. Read what you want. Leave.”

But we think we have to keep up. We believe we have to read Mashable and TechCrunch and all those sites to know what’s new or who’s being acquired.

Hint: nearly none of us have to do that. Nearly none.

PUT. THE. PHONE. DOWN.

https://rt947.infusionsoft.com/app/linkClick/8791/7d2248d5748c4b8a/2521807/aad05136721d9f6d

Another writer I enjoy is Seth Godin. I and many others quote him a lot, because he “gets it.”

At the same time…

The lizard brain is on high alert to make sure that everything is okay. The lizard brain can’t rest until it knows that everyone likes us, that no one is offended, that all graphs are ticking up and to the right and the future is assured. But of course, the future (and the present) isn’t perfect. It can’t be.

http://sethgodin.typepad.com/seths_blog/2013/03/fomo-joy-jealousy-and-the-lizard.html
To craft a beautiful life takes effort. It takes focus on the most important things. These usually aren’t the urgent things. These are the moments you sit and read to your child. A kiss goodbye. Having coffee with a friend. Watching a storm come in. So the next time you find yourself running around like a crazy person, remember, you can never catch up. And sometimes we get so caught up in the running that we forget to enjoy the things that matter most.

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The Softer Side of Me

Anxiety - Stress ... Time management vital for...

I want to curl up on the couch and be warm and snuggly.  I’m on my couch now but I don’t feel warm and snuggly. You know that feeling when you were a child, home and sick. Not so sick you couldn’t watch TV, but too sick for school. I’d lay there with my quilt and pillow and doze off and on, not a care in the world. That’s what I mean by warm and snuggly.

There’s not as many times I let myself feel that way. If I take the time off to lay there then I feel I guilty about not completing a project like putting up some closet shelves. There’s always work needing done. I wish someone would give me permission to sit down. Would it be so wrong of me to give myself permission?

What makes us push so hard? We all feel it these days. The works never done. It seems there’s no dividing line between piling more things on our to-do list and the work we do for pay. It all just keeps growing and there’s no time to complete it. So we keep pushing along. Once the sun was our cue. When we couldn’t see the hand in front of our face we had to quit. Now we get out the spotlights and keep on plowing. No need to stop.

We have the good life when it comes to survival. We have food, clothing, running water, shelter and all of that. We have luxuries and entertainment. But there’s no scheduled time out. No choice. Must stop. One day rolls into another until we finally roll into our 6 foot deep plot. My personality demands a completion point. Even when I’m reading a book, I like to know how many pages are left before the end of the chapter. I look at the total minutes of the movies I’m watching. I mentally half and quarter the time. Strange? Bizarre for certain. I wonder if there are others out there that do something similar. And why do I need to do this? I like completion. When I finish something, I get that temporary mental feedback. That little burst of endorphin that says ‘good job’. We all have it in some degree. Maybe you’ve never noticed. Did you clean out the garage? Did you feel the need to tell someone? Facebook is great for this. We are such social beings that we need to tell everyone the most mundane actions of our lives. “Went to the store. Long lines at the gas station.” “Finally mowed the lawn.” And even though we know most of our friends don’t really care, we feel compelled to share. These harmless little actions just make my point. We completed a task. We checked it off of our list and want acknowledgement. No biggie.

Fudge snuggles

I’ve heard that the chemical reinforcement in our neurological structure is the reason we make lists. Also it’s the reason we add to that list if we’ve completed a task that we didn’t list originally and check it off. We don’t want to miss anything. We are reinforcing our accomplishments. Yay for us!  Pats on the back all around.

So my difficulty is, how do I allow myself to rest? Giving myself permission doesn’t come easily. One thing I’m learning is compassion for myself. I’ve started doing a compassion meditation (see below). Very simple. I sit and think forgiving and kind thoughts towards others, whether friends or strangers. I also include myself. I wish blessing and good things on others during this time. I acknowledge them as doing their best and allow them freedom themselves. I believe this makes me a softer person. And by becoming softer, I can allow myself to relax. It’s a start for me. For me this method is more effective than my earlier way, which was lists and lists and lists. As I said, they never seem to be finished. With this way I can relax even when things aren’t perfect. It’s taken me a long time to get where I am, and I know I have a long way to go. This is my journey.

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