I Want A Nap

Sleep. It’s the thing I am obsessed with lately. I want more than my share. I’m jealous of your easy rest. Why does something I need seem so elusive?

Sleep. It’s the thing I am obsessed with lately. I want more than my share. I’m jealous of your easy rest. Why does something I need seem so elusive?

I visited France a few years back and was surprised that Europeans are unmistakably more relaxed than Americans. If only I lived in France. My morning would start at 9:00 o’clock instead of 7:00 AM. I would have a long break mid-day when the town I lived in slowed to a crawl. Currently, this is the hours from noonday on when there is little respite.

I could change professions and have a lighter load, maybe. But in the states, the belief is in hard work. We have faith in the busy working day. Cram in more if there is empty space. Our vacations need activities to prove their merit. Worth, badges, honor, and glory are comfy pillows. We fluff them and tidy the trophies as we smooth our souls. So what if we gave up our vacation days. We clawed our way to the top of the ladder. Pats on the back for our commitment was our rest.

Nikita Gill

Once, I mentioned to my ex-husband that I wanted to spend a summer relaxing on the porch and watch the world go by. I love the breeze. Loitering. Doing nothing in particular. Quiet.

I do believe the thought fried his mind. He is a real go-getter. And when we were married, things were never still. He tried. As did I. Eventually, we had to part ways. No wrongdoing other than our pace didn’t match. As I’ve aged, it seems to be even more important that I pause. There’s time for breezes on the front porch.

Going back to work after my surgery recently was agonizing. It has taken sheer willpower. I hear the voices of people saying, “take as much time as you need,” or “if you hate your job, do something different,” or “get back in there.” Here I am at my desk. There’s a little more light each day. Hope. Friends. Love. Family. I’m not crying as often. That’s positive.

“Don’t rush your healing, don’t pretend to be okay when you’re not and don’t apologize for being broken.”

Lizelle Gutierrez

This has been a real struggle for me. I say these things, so others feel understood. Life isn’t all rainbows and sunshine. No. I’ve had dark clouds and caves. I crave light. And I need to set my own speed. In the States, in modern times, I am continually working against the expectations of others.

I am learning to take short naps instead of working through lunch. I use my time off days. I’m going to extend my doctor’s appointment and take the day off. It’s approved. Couch time with the cats. And of course, I have prioritized my health. It is far more important than my vanity. If you took a glance at my nails right now, you would know. Sleep is more important than doing my cuticles.

Inside of you and inside of me is where the treasure is held. Nurture it. Guard it. Heal.

I Am Safe

I’ve admired the European lifestyle for many years. What I’ve watched in a carefree manner began to be the way I wanted to pattern my life. I’ve felt stressed from the uptight expectations of the American society, stretched thin from not enough down time to recharge. I complained that I wanted to move to France or Italy or even Sweden just so I can get away from our hectic ways. Give me siestas and long vacations.

Wine and bread

While I’m working through my lunch cramming down the last bite of food, I’m thinking there’s someone in France sipping a glass of wine with her friend and eating a crusty baguette. Vacation only made this worse.

Somehow, the other side of the pond has always seemed greener. Europe’s healthcare system, vacations, their unpretentious philosophy of life, more liberal politics, all of these were more to my liking. But something interesting happened while I was driving back to work from a doctor’s appointment. I glanced out the car window and noticed there was a flock of geese lounging on the golf course, safe. Only golfers were near enough to chase them.

What Happened?


There’s a lot of talk about healthcare in the states, and you’d think we were all dying on the streets without any care at all. I don’t want Medicaid defunded because this affects everyone, hospitals and doctors included, and of course, the patients receiving care. But that’s a political conversation. What I did realize about my own situation is that I am doing alright. And I came by this truth by changing my inner picture. Instead of seeing bad, I caught a glimpse of what’s good in my life, but this has taken retraining. Rehab for my brain. Neurolinguistics. Read this post. Can you Neuro Lingo.

I’m alright

I was returning from an appointment with a doctor who was helpful and kind. I have good healthcare. My job allows me to leave in the middle of the day for an appointment. Yes, our system is complicated. It needs improvement, not abolished as some want to do. I’m also trying to remember that the grass is pretty damn green on my golf course.

Some helpful links:

Neurolinguistic training that helped

Similar blog posts:


But I Don’t Want to be a Socialist

Forex Money for Exchange in Currency Bank

I’m torn between two social systems.

My dissatisfaction


Hospitals, doctors, churches, governments are all evaluated on their performance. Only a small part of that performance is of curing illness. The biggest remaining portion is decided by profit. We know this and realize this, but it doesn’t hit us in the face until you or your family need care. Especially expensive care. I gathered as many of my thoughts as I could trying to understand what I feel is wrong with society. I’ve been troubling over this for some time. Years.



“FedEx used to believe that they were in the customer service business, and that speed and reliability were the driving factor behind everything they did. Now, it seems, they are in the profit business. That the purpose of all of those people and all of those trucks and planes is to maximize profit. The rest is merely a means to that end.” Seth Godin, What’s It For?


We are there for our families. We don’t expect our children to make a profit. We raise them for 20 or so years because we love them. Our society is based on greed. And my impossible dream seems even more impossible after I realized the wall I keep running into, which is the two priorities. Nurture vs Profit.


It dawned on me in a moment of complete panic. My differing views are covered by Marxism or Socialism. I also realized that made me the enemy. I am the hated Socialist. But no, I’m a Capitalist. All of these years I’ve been trying to figure out what is wrong with society or what is wrong with the government. Why do they not care for their people? I know now. I have been the naive Marxist.


Social Styles


I found an article online regarding the difference between Marxism and Capitalism. I found it interesting, maybe even a bit grounding, but now I am confused. In theory, Marxism or Socialism is a more giving society except that I’ve seen the end result in many European and Asian countries. These are ruled by strict iron fists and it never turns out well for the people. The citizens are oppressed and it reminds me of gray cloudy days. Sad. The only one close to my ideal is France, although it’s not officially a socialist society. Some do call it that, but it’s still a capitalist country. In the way our current world is structured, I don’t think it’s possible to have the ideal that I would wish for and that leaves me sad. I would love to see a society where the people are the main goal, their welfare and the raising of the family. Maybe it isn’t time yet for this world to maintain that style of living. A girl can dream. I can imagine that we could work at jobs and produce food for our families and not be worried that someone will take our homes from us, but our world’s ideology would have to be upgraded a few notches.


Nurturer in a Profit driven world


Until then, I suppose we have to work with what we have. My main concerns about the Capitalist society is in the healthcare and educational arenas. We are heading in a more caring direction. I hope we continue.


  • Immunizations for all and at least the basic of healthcare needs met.
  • I would also like to see religion not be as damning and punishing, withholding love from people.
  • There’s plenty of room in the fields of charity and training, teaching in the basics of caring for ourselves.
  • I would like our society to be a generous society. One that provides for its own and does not withhold goods for survival.
  • We should be beyond survival. It seems we are held down to that level of fear needlessly. We are just inches away from attaining what we need and it moves just a bit.

We as humans are clever enough to use both capitalism and socialism to our advantage. Neither are evil in their own rights. It matters only how they are used.


Related articles



Enhanced by Zemanta