Good Grief. I Sigh.

Shall we? Let’s do it together. I’m serious. On the count of three—One, Two, Three, Sigh. There are days when I can’t hold it inside any longer. At work, every thing seems frustrating. If one more person calls to ask if I can rush a work order, it’s possible I might freaking yell at them.

Do you sigh a lot? Here’s what science says it could mean.

Excessive sighing can be your body’s way of crying out for help.

The Indian Express – article, Do you sigh a lot?

With me, sighing comes from the forbidden. It’s the anger I’m not allowed to express. Hope is gone. And I am overwhelmed by the weight of the mountain I need to move. I sigh in frustration.

There is power inside me, even if I’ve forgotten. I look for quick fixes and something outside of myself for help. But, usually, I already have a solution. JKB

The act of sighing, both intentionally and spontaneously, appears to induce signs of relaxation in low-anxiety people as well as those with high trait anxiety…

Psy Post—Sighing reduces physiological tension in anxiety-sensitive individuals, study finds.
Sighs

If you’re exhausted, be kind to yourself and take a break. Make space for rest. Lighten the load if you can. Even an imaginary vacation can help for a time. Or grab a friend virtually and do a movie night together. In these days when everyone is working from home, I’m still commuting to work. I’m not complaining since it’s good to have a paycheck, I only need others to understand that I am not feeling the boredom from staying home. I would welcome my place, some couch time, and Netflix. But it’s against some companies’ policies.

We’re going to kick this thing.

I’m reading the book, You Are A BadAss. It’s a bit cheesy in its positive spin, but I needed it this week. A short shove in the right direction.

This is the book I’m reading (listening to)currently. View on Goodreads

Never apologize for who you are. It lets the whole world down.

Jen Sincero, You Are a Badass: How to Stop Doubting Your Greatness and Start Living an Awesome Life

“We only get to be in our bodies for a limited time, why not celebrate the journey instead of merely riding it out until it’s over?” 

― Jen Sincero, You Are a Badass: How to Stop Doubting Your Greatness and Start Living an Awesome Life

The top picture is from an instragram post

Being Strong

Buy at Amazon

Find it at Amazon

Do you need some inspiration? How about an easy read?

Description

Being Strong is a collection of my writings from when I began soul searching. I was so miserable. I didn’t know the girl in the mirror anymore.
My life had changed. All of it, including my friends, my beliefs, and even my manner of doing things, had transformed. I was learning what made me strong.


We are learning to fly by intention instead of brute strength.

It’s a new day. We are learning new ways of seeing the world. And we remember long-forgotten ways. If germs make us sick, what about our emotions and the emotions of others around us. I agree that actions count, but activities without a connection are dry and blow away.
Please enjoy.

Available at Amazon

Tricksters and Gamers

warning: this is from 2017

I love new beginnings. Fresh starts are more enlivening to me than finishing touches. It’s me. The end is just that, the end. It’s over. Done. The toys go away, and everyone goes home.

Infinite all the way for me.

There’s a book that tells of the two types of games people play, the infinite and the finite. Usually, we lean, each to their own, as we say. Mine is endless, but life does not cater to my preference. So with every ending of a book, I start a new one. I have a massive stack of books to read. It continues the adventure.

“In infinite games, a surprise is a reason it continues.”

Gary Carmell

About beginnings, they always meet resistance. It doesn’t matter if you’re planning a military coup or painting your newborn’s nursery, the complexity of the job doesn’t matter. You’ll face obstacles in any game you play. The way you handle those challenges is telling.

Finite and Infinite Games of Investing – Painting Your Masterpiece According to Carse, the entire purpose is not to win the game but to continue the game.

Gary Carmell, The Philosophical Investor

I listened to a podcast forecasting the events and mood of 2017. I rarely live my life according to astrology, but if a bright idea strikes me, I’ll write it down. You never know, it might contain some truth. I’m shortening it a bit and probably corrupting the message, but this is how I heard it. Please forgive my näivete. Here’s the link ->Gordon White. Talking Astrology in 2017

Jack Sparrow is a trickster. He’s light-footed, has few rules, disregards society’s constraints, has a unique style. I find it interesting that movies put the trickster as the hero. We cheer for him.

Riddle me this Mr. Joker.

The good guy, Mr. Stiff Shirt, becomes the villain. He’s followed the rules, climbed the corporate brigadier ladder, and no dirty pirate is going to steal his girl. Or naval vessel. Inconceivable! 

We cheer BECAUSE Jack breaks the rules. And our collars are feeling a little tight around our necks. We feel restricted. We’ve piled up debt, carried too many responsibilities, forgotten to laugh, and restrained our anger. Becoming a light-footed trickster is mighty tempting. Running off to Colorado in a camping trailer is also. 

Captain Jack Sparrow is a con artist, but we still love him. Impossible for long term commitments, yes. But we can hardly hate him. I’d invite him over for a beer. Just lock up the valuables.

Inconceivable!

An exclamation of disbelief. Impossible to comprehend or grasp fully. So unlikely or surprising as to have been thought impossible; unbelievable.“Inconceivable!” “You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.” #inconceivable #the princess bride #exclamation #gadzooks #disbelief #surprise

Urban Dictionary – Rose Pose

LIST OF MODERN DAY TRICKSTERS

Excerpt from BEING STRONG

Just the Taste

Earlier, I was eating an apple and enjoying it. I was just eating the apple, nothing else, and it was delicious. The Crunch. The Juice. It was a delicious apple. So much of my eating has become a duty. Just enjoying good food is difficult because we are all so uptight about eating healthy and not overeating. I’m right there in the mix of it also. Sitting down to eat a whole gallon of ice cream isn’t enjoying it. That’s a compulsion.

Documenting my food intake is entirely not my style. Of course like everything I do, I volley between a strict watch to eating whatever I want. Until I get in sync with my body though, I feel I need to be aware of what I’m doing. My main problem is when I start to watch, I also begin to grade. I judge.

Surely there’s a better way of staying healthy. A relaxed way. Somehow to respect ourselves and respect our food. With honor.

– excerpt from Being Strong
Find it on Amazon http://tiny.cc/1s4cbz

Hope

CdOVbD_WAAEEZzRTime is closing in on me. It’s been a problem of claustrophobia. Lack of oxygen. Not enough air. Maybe it’s depression. If I listened to the doctors, they’d give me another pill. I don’t need another. I’d like to take fewer thanks! Maybe the ones I use are causing the issue. Well, yeah, could be.

One thing I realized finally is that I’m not alone.  Society has been steadily growing more complicated. And it’s been creeping up on us all. More demanding. Greedy. Our boundaries have become porous, and we have to be the ones to say, STOP!

Bob Lefsetz in his Letter says – Who’s gonna lead us out of the wilderness? Artists. If they just grab the wheel and start to drive.

Here’s my thing-I don’t fit into the entrepreneur’s gig. I’m not aggressive enough to work on my own. I like the umbrella of a company paying my income. Unfortunately, it pigeon-holes me into the 9 to 5 cubicle workforce.

Maybe I’m looking at this wrong. The creative side of me likes to have fun. Books, movies, and music make me happy. Get my light burning again.

Gordon White from Rune Soup suggests we turn to literature for restoration

And he brings up another reason, social media, and the difficulty of speaking out, which I mentioned in my blog We Have Wet Feet 

There is another reason why creatives may want to think very seriously about unfurling their towel on this part of the beach. It is getting more and more difficult to say anything real publicly. The pH level of the discourse is hovering around 2. (Acid rain starts below 4.)

We’ve all felt this. We really only fire up social media for private conversations now. Venturing out into its public discussions is akin to looking down at the fork in your hand and realising you weren’t doing anything else with that other eye, anyway. – Gordon White

Lately, I’ve questioned my choices. Should I be more assertive? Do the Tim Ferriss thing? Jump from the airplane and be an adventurous person? I know, I know. It’s a ridiculous thing to ponder. I don’t even have a plan. It’s all self-doubt and speculation, but it’s there, sitting and waiting, in the back of my mind. I won’t do it really. I’ll read more books.

I’m just a creative needing to breathe.

Mindless Searching

While I was listening to a podcast, I heard about a book that I might be interested in reading. I popped open my browser to Amazon.com, and crazily enough twenty minutes had passed before I realized I was, at least, six books deeper in my mindless search through book after book following the connections, Customers Who Bought This Item Also Bought & Inspired by your browsing history. 

On Being Tired

I was tired. It was late. So why was I still up and browsing books? I was in a trance. I had followed the first book but I ruled it out. Still I connected it to a second book then a third and so on. The mind game. The whirlpool grabbed me, swirling me into its game of mindless searching. I had no interest in any of these books. Their topics or titles were similar. I’ve noticed that I do this a lot lately. I read articles when I’m not interested. I watch videos when they don’t hold my attention.

Mindful

The knee-jerk reaction is for me ban myself from the internet. Absurd. Not going to happen. I’m going to browse. I love researching weird shit. The more bizarre the better. The trick is keeping my mind engaged in the activity. Mindful. Attentive. And always be aware of how long I’m doing the activity. Most importantly, asking myself, am I having fun?

Are you having fun?

This girl understands what I mean:

Random Sweetness – Mindless Searching

Pajamas Are For Wearing All Day Long

Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing,
there is a field. I’ll meet you there.
When the soul lies down in that grass,
the world is too full to talk about.
Ideas, language, even the phrase “each other” doesn’t make any sense.

mevlana jelaluddin rumi – 13th century

One thing that I wish is to walk past the idea of right and wrong – and to keep walking until we no longer notice other people’s expectations or even our expectations. I would like us to keep stepping through the tall grass until we can actually say that we ARE. No more guilt for not loving enough or not saying the correct words. I want us to live. To run with joy to the top of the hill and then roll down the other side to nowhere in particular.  I would like to spin and swing until I drop to the ground with laughter.

Do you get the idea? I no longer want you or I to hesitate just because someone didn’t approve of us. Walk to the beat of your drum and feel how good it is to not be rushed or pushed or forced to someone else’s pace. And if you want – to skip or run. Go with all of your gusto.

If wearing your pajamas all day long in your house makes you happy and keeping you window open at night helps you breathe easier then do so. If you like eggs for supper and hotdogs for breakfast, guess what? It can be just as you want it to be. This life is your life. These are your rules.

—This is an EXCERPT from my book Get Your Life Back Now!  and will soon be available on Nook with Barnes and Noble when my account is approved. Usually that’s within the 72 hour time frame. I’ll provide a link on my sidebar. Thanks for everyone’s support.  I’m skipping the post next week since I’ll be too busy visiting with family. Until next time – have a great week.

New Book

I’ve just posted a new short nonfiction book, The Big Five. It takes you through Arrogance, Doubt, Shame, Perfectionism, and Unrealistic Expectations. Short read, not expensive and I hope you enjoy it. Thanks all!

Janet

The Big Five. Live your life without a mask.

Click to view at Amazon. Just $0.99.

You Embarrass Me

I drew a monster. Such a cute monster. He looked like a puff ball with legs. His sleeves and leggings didn’t match. He was hiding his eyes too. His name is You Embarrass Me and he thinks I talk too much and help too much. He tells me I need to shut up. According to The Fluent Self, our monsters are really there to help us. They help us protect ourselves so we don’t get hurt. They curb our excesses. This morning I noticed You Embarrass Me. What does he want? I’m sorry little guy. I didn’t mean to embarrass you or to put you out front like that.

Why was I am embarrassed? I angered someone. I said the wrong thing. And it bothered me. Sometimes people push my buttons. Sometimes they rub my fur the wrong way. It’s going to happen and it’s not predictable. Sometimes I get over involved. I try to set things right, fix the problem and I make the situation worse. If I take a step back, everything calms down. I don’t have to change others, either their opinions or their lives. When I feel the unable to set things right, when I think someone sees my stumbling, my imperfections, I want to hide. Dig a hole and crawl into it. The urge to hide in shame because I goofed up once again, or I said something callous is so strong that I know You Embarrass Me is close at hand. At that moment, I know it’s time to stop. Sit down.

This was helpful for me, Seven Ways to Push Through Embarrassment.

Your Drama is Spinning

Drama is fun. If you’ve ever been in the middle of a big, chaotic ball of drama you know what I mean. The person at the center of the drama gets tons of attention. The people surrounding her act as her courtiers, fanning, patting and all the little comforts necessary. We all have times that this is necessary, but there are those that create it. Maybe it’s not intentional, but they created it nonetheless.

Have you ever noticed the lull after the big holiday season? Or maybe after the sports season? It’s difficult to know what to do. No rush. No big fire to put out. It’s been said that the hardest times are during the holidays. That’s true if a loved one is no longer with you. For the rest of the population, the highest suicide rates are after the holidays. In January.

Why is that? Why is the let down after the chaos so difficult to cope with? You’ve just made it through all the rush and energy zapping events and now there’s a feeling of disappointment. We’ve used up all of our energy and there’s no outside event demanding our attention. We were probably running on pure adrenaline for days already then we stop. You would think you would be relieved, but no our mind is using its balancing methods to support the previous vigor.  It’s been called Dynamic Equilibrium. The body needs stability and our entire system tries to keep up the same weight, the same speed.

This is what It was like before I made boundaries. Here are some things that help me cope. These are some tools to let life flow more moderately.

Your voice. Saying no or speaking up is difficult, but it’s a necessary tool in many situations. There are things to consider before speaking. Would it serve me better to leave the situation, or to let someone know that something is wrong? Such as Thelma, your best friend, talks nonstop and rarely filters when she’s talking. Part of the reason you love her so much is her outgoing personality. There are days that her talking gives you a headache. So the two of you have planned to travel to the beach this weekend. You’ll be in the car for several hours. What should you do? Tell her to limit her talking or just don’t go? Tough call.

Your mobility.  Walk away. Distance yourself from the chaos. Sometimes you don’t have control of the environment around you. Once I was out with a guy friend. We were going to cook so I didn’t eat before I went. I was hungry and looking forward to some time together. He wanted to stop over and check on an older friend of his. The older man’s health wasn’t great. I was thinking 30 minutes and we’ll be out of there. No, not 30. 45 minutes were creeping into an hour. I felt bored, hungry and impatient. And feeling sick from not eating. But I sat there. Didn’t say anything. It was close to 2 hours before we left and I was angry. Afterwards, I knew how I should have handled it. I should have politely told him that I was going to run an errand, stopped and ate a taco or burger and came back later. I would have been happy and taken care of myself. Yes, it was rude of him to visit with these people for so long when we had earlier plans, but I can’t control other people. What I do have is the ability to get my keys and take care of myself.

Your environment. Surround yourself with your stuff. What makes you happy? Hot tea at noon? Snacks? Can you listen to music? Make your personal space like your home. Claim your space as much as you can. Pick out your major purchases for your own convenience. Dependability is very important to me. I like a car that can respond quickly. So I bought something with a certified warranty. It cost a bit more but for my peace of mind, it was worth it. I extended the loan period to cover the monthly fee which goes against all of the advice I’ve ever received, but the alternative was to get a car that I wouldn’t trust. Worry is my flaw. Being single in a large city, means I have a little backup. No spouse to call to take me to work or repair my vehicle on the weekend. So AAA is my back up. I’ve arranged my life to fit my needs.