I grew up in a household where shame sparkled everywhere like glitter. Every family reunion became a stage for criticism, where we dissected the lives of our relatives: the diabetic aunt piling her plate high and the uncle grappling with high blood pressure. Meanwhile, I watched my dad indulge in bowls of ice cream without ever seeming to gain a pound, while my mom battled her own struggles in silence. It never felt fair—the constant criticism from Dad aimed at her for not “taking action” was hard to witness.

Yet, in that chaotic dance of blame and judgment, I learned that harshness equaled control. I began to mirror that unrelenting scrutiny, not just directing it at my mom but eventually turning it inward, entangling myself in a cycle of shame. I sprinkled everyone with my glitter of criticism, thinking I could somehow manage the chaos around me, only to find myself tangled in it.

Body Shame 

We spend time reconnecting to the body’s rhythms and needs through activities like yoga, massage, hiking and art. As we relate to our form with compassion, we rediscover how to feel at home again in this flesh and bone that carries us faithfully through existence—From Body Shame to Body Love: A Journey to Self-Acceptance

We are human. As children, we learn from our parents how to think. I learned to hate evil or anything I perceived as negative. Being chubby meant I was out of control, and being out of control is evil—at least according to my childhood logic. 

Flipping the Switch

I hope to leave behind fake control. Being chubby has nothing to do with control. Being overweight or out of control is no different from having a car accident. Life happens. Remove the judgments from even the word “accident.”

I invite you to open your mind with me and rethink how you perceive yourself. Do you have control over the growth of your hair? The health of your eyes? We try so hard to prevent this body from becoming old. We pump vitamins and powders into ourselves so readily and without thinking it makes me wonder what are we believing we should achieve. 

It’s easy to feel down in our 40s and 50s, especially when we haven’t accomplished anything momentous. But the truth is, our lives hold a depth of meaning that our grandparents could hardly have dreamed of. Let’s embrace the richness of our experiences and our unique paths!

These emotions can be rooted in childhood trauma. Our family trained us in critical thinking habits and emotional shaming. 

Once we recognize the patterns, we can change them. Update the system we grew up with to a better version. 

I only knew how to monitor and judge. The old system didn’t allow love or forgiveness. My new system doesn’t need to monitor every single person or watch all of my actions. Love for myself is coming. Practice makes perfect, they say. And I will forgive myself and let go of this intense shame I’ve held for so long.