The world feels dark, but I know we crossed over the June Solstice line. That means Summer in all of her brightness is here.

Summer

She’s a generous aunt, sashaying through the door, arms loaded with gifts, long hair flowing, and ready for fun. Do we know how to greet her? Will we welcome her or shut the door and close ourselves inside? I love summer. I miss the long days of lounging on a quilt, taking in the sun. I crave that uninterrupted sunshine. Do I live in a fantasy? I’m unsure if it’s accurate or sometimes true, but I hear the saying It’s always darkest before the dawn.

Rising

When I was younger, my favorite time of the day was right before sunrise. It seems unique, especially when you can see Venus rising like I’m the only one awake—private showing for me. I love the night sky.

This next September will mark an extraordinary time for me. It’s my birthday month, but beyond that, it was a spiritually dark month for me in 2001. Not because of the Twin Towers’ destruction, although that hit all of us in America pretty hard. But, I had a major depressive episode or nervous breakdown the week of Labor Day in 2001, the week before THE Bad Day of Sept 11. On Tuesday, September 4th, I sat on my bedroom floor in the middle of a panic attack. My body and mind shut down almost completely. My husband was out of town; my kids were upstairs playing, and our church pastor left his position.

I felt lost and needed help. I finally reached a friend by phone. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know what was wrong. My spiritual life didn’t prepare me for this. I felt like Samson standing between the two pillars, without the strength I was used to. http://biblehub.com/judges/16.htm Before this, I knew what God wanted. I knew the answers. And suddenly, I couldn’t pray. 

Rework

It took years to climb out. There’s no easy answer or 10-step program when you meet the devil at the crossroads, and he runs over you with a Mack truck. The formula that ensured success didn’t work. It worked before, but nope, not this time. When your illusions are shattered, there’s nothing you can do but sit. Sit and let it all fall. Wait for the pillars to fall. Wait for the dust to settle. A lot of people say things happen for a reason. Well, everything does. Sometimes, the reason is as simple as tripping over your idealism. It’s not a master plan. I don’t know if there is any design for me. I was born, I’m alive, and I learn. We could pretend and name a cause to make everything seem safe, but I don’t want to do that. I know why it happened. What I thought was a potent formula for success was only plaster. 

Protect yourself

One example I use in the book is a rose bush. If you imagine the growth of divine consciousness as being like the growth of a rose, then a cutting from the original rose would have to be placed in the earth. It has to be watered by prayer and by devotion and by meditation. It comes up out of the ground, it has to be protected. Then it grows thorns -- the thorns of discrimination and wisdom. An Interview With Andrew Harvey - Colleen O'Connor

If you’ve recently been hit with a Mack Truck and your world is falling apart, just let it happen. You can make it through. It may not be part of a master plan of divine origins, but it happened. This is life in all of its beauty and horror. Clean-up time will come. I know because I made it through, and I’m rebuilding. This year I’m opening my door to summer. I’m going to remember how to have fun. I’ve survived. Heck, I’m finally making a good life for myself. I’m married now to my best friend, a wonderful guy. Thankfully, we are still in good health.

May you make it through the storms and see Venus as she rises before the dawn.

Where is Venus now? EarthSky.org

Currently, Venus is hidden from view, but “When to watch: In 2024, Venus will emerge after sunset at the end of July.” earthsky.org. Keep watch.