Urgency, The Weakness of Leadership

Before my recent surgery, I had a hilarious incident with a nurse telling me the RIGHT way.

Before my recent surgery, I had a hilarious incident with a nurse telling me the RIGHT way. I should use the rigid collar after surgery and take only that one into the surgery. She was abrupt in a way to let me know there was no argument over this. No purse, no shoes, not a damn thing else would go with me other than the rigid collar. She grabbed the item, tossing it onto the bed, and let my boyfriend know that he would be responsible for all of the other things.

The nurse’s instructions were different from my doctor’s instructions before my hospital visit. My doctor had instructed me that I was to use the foam collar. The rigid collar was only for the car ride home. I mentioned this to her, but she was insistent. When the doctor was in for his visit, he changed the whole of it all back. The soft collar came out, and the stiff collar was stuffed back into the plastic bag. I trusted the doc’s judgment because he was to be in the operating room and knew what I would need after it was over. He also had a history with me.

I’ve experienced this over and over recently. The pharmacy updated my doctor’s prescriptions without permission. I’ve had doctors change reliable medications, canceling some which I had previously used so they could replace them with a brand of their choice. I picture this as a male lion killing off the children of the former males to ensure they are the top sire.

I have been at least a week without access to a needed prescription due to pharmaceutical restrictions and the narrow sightedness of the healthcare system. One doctor was in surgery all week, and another didn’t have legal access to prescribe.

Leaders may not realize it at first—and some start with charitable intentions, but the game changes over time.

Two things-1. Leaders believe they know the right way, so they need to show everyone else. 2. It’s easier for the person in charge to decide how it needs to be done and dogmatically enforce it.

I’ve had the feeling for a while that most—I do mean only most and not all—wish to silence the masses. Big groups have opinions, and it’s such a freakin’ hassle sometimes to try to explain the WHY of your decisions, then you should take polls asking what that LARGE GROUP wants. Exhausting.

I have watched businesses with big plans and high ideals start by saying they had an open-door policy with nonjudgemental discussion, and management was always available for the employees. A former job of mine was like this. When it was small, you could speak your piece without reprisals. They wanted your opinions. Later, as the company’s debt grew and the structure changed, they held everything you ever said against you. It didn’t make a hill of beans if you were valuable or if you got your work done. You started feeling the cold shoulder of isolation.

That’s my thinking. What’s yours?

Once a government is committed to the principle of silencing the voice of opposition, it has only one way to go, and that is down the path of increasingly repressive measures, until it becomes a source of terror to all its citizens and creates a country where everyone lives in fear.

Harry S. Truman, Special Message to the Congress on the Internal Security of the United States [August 8, 1950]

Whenever someone listens to me, at least tries, I like to acknowledge it.

The Dragon’s Blade

The dragon is old and always hungry—needy. Ages ago, alongside her teeth, her mouth fused splinters, blades, knives, and other strange objects—things your mom warned you. Her claws and teeth are now deep in my neck, and my muscles seize in response. I’m recovering from a recent Posterior Cervical Diskectomy and Fusion.

Pain is an annoying Dragon

Some moments I cry—weep like a baby. One morning, I was fixing my hair and make-up. While I was doing the mascara, my neck muscle knotted and seized. The pain was so intense that I went into the bedroom to sit. The tears flowed and flowed. After a few minutes, my body finally calmed, and I went to repair my makeup.

I wish I had a picture to show you how my face looked after that. It was a mess with black smeared eyeliner and mascara. I had hilarious raccoon eyes—a complete do-over on the makeup.

I chose to have a second surgery. I am no victim. My spine will heal stronger, straighter. I like this. I know this dragon isn’t going to hold me, keep me on my knees, beat me down forever.

One thing I know, I win if I keep strong.

My Recovery

My cervical fusion was on January 23. Afterward, I began my recovery. I truly appreciate those who have taken care of me. My stress tolerance is low, and my need for kindness and patience is enormous. Pain Management is everything. Yes, I feel the pain. I’m not that person who says no to the prescriptions. I understand the risks, but goodness, let’s not become martyrs. I also wish I could stay forever cocooned in my nest. I have my boyfriend, my heating pad, my audio books, my cats, and my iphone, but unfortunately, I only have two more weeks. It will be back to work then.

Thank you, myceliumcrusader from Instagram for your words of truth and encouragement. They resonated with me, so with permission, I am sharing them below. See it on Instagram.

Some things change