Missing Identity

I was listening to a self-help guru in the 1990’s and the strangest thing (to me) happened. The man asked, “If you could do ANYTHING and you knew you could not fail at it, what would you do?”  The first thing that popped into my thoughts was to write. I wanted to write. I hadn’t thought of writing since I was in the 8th grade and my teacher circled at least half of my essay and noted it heavily in red ink. Inside, a dream that I had buried and forgotten for dead, clawed its way back to the top.

Listen to your inner voice. Is she happy? Does she want to sing? Does he like the shoes he has on? The color of his tie? How about his activities? Are they something he does to belong or does he enjoy them? If there is one thing she could change, what would it be? Now after pondering this a little while, don’t do anything yet. Let the thought sit inside of you for a time. Like a seed planted in the soil, let it germinate. This is scary. Sometimes the dissatisfaction and restlessness can build up if I ignore some aspect of my life.

Nothing has to be done or changed or removed or even happen immediately. I’m not saying that your life will even change dramatically, but I am saying make time for you. It’s time to see the beauty and strength that is in you. There is gold and jewels underneath all of your restrictions. There is talent that has been dormant for a long time because a parent or sibling told you not to show off.  I think you should let some of it show. Just a little peek for now. The process will also involve learning to trust your own judgments. You will learn how much is too much or not enough, of food, of activity, of friendships. Do you know what you value? Whether it’s people in need or friendships you value; or if it’s caution or even reckless abandon, only you can decide what is right for you.


What am I good for? Do I need to be useful? Does my right to live depend on whether I’m useful? Isn’t that missing the point? I am alive. That’s reason enough. The flowers don’t ask if they have the right to exist, so neither will I. My movement, my actions, my everyday living carves my name on this earth. If I belong, it is only because I’ve decided that I belong. Somewhere in our lives we may have skulked to the sidelines. We’ve decided that someone else needs to give us permission to live. That person over there needs to pick us, to tell us to step forward, that we’ve been chosen. At that moment we will squeal and jump up and down, delighting and thrilling because someone found us worthy. Why do we wait? Why do we want someone other than ourselves to call on us? Is it because we don’t feel good enough? Or maybe it’s just because we didn’t think we could. Step up! Stand up and yell, “I want to play.” Run up and join in the game of life. If you want to do something, start doing it. You don’t need discovered. This is your world. You belong. Who you are now is perfect. You are chosen, you are called. By your very birth you are chosen.

For far too long we wait. We stand in line, never cut in front of others. Polite. In life it doesn’t work that way. Yes, kindergartners still need to raise their hands and stand in line, but you aren’t a child anymore. Stand up. Cut in line and do what needs to be done. If you have an idea that will change the world or even change your neighborhood, tell someone. Tell everyone. Write it, yell it, say it. No one is going to call on you because they have no idea you exist. People aren’t mind readers.

The moment you decide to step up won’t be a magical moment. There won’t be angels singing or violins playing. If we want music we will have to play it ourselves. One thing I can promise that seems magical to me, you will see life with different eyes. Life will become more steps to take rather than whether you are approved of or not. I cringe when I hear people stating, I don’t think they like me or she didn’t like what I said. Who cares? I have to focus on myself. Do I like what I am doing? Do I approve of what I am saying. Am I saying what I want to say?

I want to live true to myself. I want to say what resonates in me.

When walking up the steps of a staircase, each step is not wrong. Or a failure. Just as I step up-one step at a time-and then to the next step above, doesn’t make me a failure. No, I’m not at the destination, but I’m stepping up. Each step is necessary. Remove one step and it all falls down. It’s all important. We are all useful.


Slipping Into a Coma

Cliff (Photo credit: Oneras)

It’s difficult to work long hours then come home and write. It’s difficult to raise a family and keep a roof over their heads. What do these two things have in common? They are both things we want. And we want them more than the task is difficult.

The difficulty of the task is what heightens our awareness. If a task is easy we lose focus. We nod off. We slip into a coma. zzzzzz. Yeah, I’m right there with you. Ask the guy climbing the sheer rock face of the cliff. Does he have trouble focusing? Is his mind wandering? Maybe thinking about the game last night? No! He’s trying to stay alive. And maybe in the process he’ll make it to the top of the mountain and watch the little bitty people on the ground.

Are you having trouble staying focused every day? Maybe a couple of caffeinated drinks aren’t what you need. You’re bored?

Notice the symptoms. When does it start? Is it the job? Or it could be you’ve forgotten why you’re there. Pep talk time. You’re there to earn some money. That money pays the rent. It buys the groceries. Maybe you’ve forgotten your value. Do you need a reminder?

Petrochelidon pyrrhonota (Cliff Swallows - low...
Petrochelidon pyrrhonota (Cliff Swallows – lower) and Riparia riparia (Sand Martins – upper) (Photo credit: Arthur Chapman)

Did you forget where you were going? What thrilled you when you started? Remember that. Climb your mountain, dance your dance. No matter if it seems impossible. Even if it is completely impossible. So you never make it to the top. Who cares? Enjoy the climb.

Alive and Well

yellow flowerYes, I am alive and well.

I almost put that I was alive and blooming, but the picture of flowers popping up all over my head didn’t fit my mood. To demonstrate my mood and what this site is about I will include a video link. I hope you enjoy it!