​Healing Your Space

Space, we call it a thing. Star Trek started its program with the words, Space, the final frontier. Conquerors of times before claimed lands, they planted homes and flags saying this area belonged to them, and they now owned it.

Personal

Disclaimer: this article was written pre-COVID-19

Personal space isn’t so easily defined. Do you run and hug a new coworker? Is a handshake necessary? When talking with someone do you leave a two feet distance? What about crowded places, are you in their space? Every culture has their own comfort level. And within each culture there are variations. Children and parents can hug and snuggle without discomfort, but you wouldn’t walk up to a stranger and act the same way. Not unless you wanted to be punched. For etiquette read- >Don’t Stand Too Close.

Some days boundaries are natural. Put up a fence. Close the door. Hide in a closet. I can do these things. The one thing I have trouble with is an emotional cut-off. How do you close the door without hurting people? Clearing your emotional space is as important as cleaning your room. Sometimes they go hand in hand.

Emotional and Mental

If you were raised by controlling parents, emotional and personal space is probably an issue for you. I didn’t have the right to my own religion. Barely had the right to my choice of clothing. There was no arguing about politics or doctrine. In my state this is normal. Strict parenting meant good wholesome children. Spare the rod and spoil the child.

But when a child has no right to privacy, or they are threatened for having an opinion that is different, a line is crossed. I call foul. Emotional space is every bit as important as physical. Don’t let anyone take your life – space.

There’s a lot of information about boundaries. Here are a few links.

Getting Space in a Relationship

The Emotional Space Theory

BOOK – Codependent No More – Melody Beattie

The above blog post was originally posted in the winter of 2017, but became corrupted. Reinstated today, October 11, 2020.

With Much Gratitude

“Silent gratitude isn’t very much to anyone.”

Gertrude Stein

I learned several valuable lessons from my religious training.

  • It’s good to plant seeds. If you care for them, they will grow into sturdy trees.
  • Treat others with the same respect you wish returned to you.
  • Be honest.
  • Be kind.
  • Above all else, be grateful.

Last year brought new experiences for me and more growth, and I have appreciated the open doors. Creativity and the joy of sharing my thoughts with an audience are immensely satisfying. It’s something I want to do more of in the future. But I have been lacking in one aspect.

The world of blogging doesn’t make it easy to reach out, to notice those who contribute. Blogging is a lot about ME. I say my piece, and you listen. And as opinionated as I am, this can get pretty damn boring. Even for me.

Dialogue is much more appealing, even in books. So, I’ve puzzled over how to solve this for a long time without coming to a solution.

Though unsaid, your LIKES, FOLLOWS, and, READS are not unnoticed. They are as beautiful as a well-made bed, and yet these are the moments we fail to give thanks.

I see you. And dammit, thanks. Knowing you are here with me gives me the warm fuzzies. To all who are reading my blog–Thank You!

And to the ONE who has believed in me, my special Patron, You are the best! Thank You!

“The deepest craving of human nature is the need to be appreciated.”

William James

Inside of Me

There’s somewhat of a flea inside of me that moves me. It’s jumpy and impulsive. And yet, I am afraid to give things my all. I know that with spiritual stuff it comes from my early training, my parent’s religion, what if I play with witchcraft and find out “the Devil” has led me here. My family warned me for years not to worship elephants or demons. Tarot cards are forbidden in their religion.

These taboos are in the fiber of a person raised in a belief system. For me to walk against it, and I have, takes a complete turning around and walking backward. For a time nothing feels right. It is like walking without instincts. With no sight or sound to guide you. It is a walk that is stronger than faith because with every step of the way the gods in your head are screaming your doom.

I went through a crossroad back in December 2002. My world ripped open, and my insides spilled out onto the ground. I gathered them up as well as I could. Tried to piece me together. I didn’t know if I was going to survive. Divorce is one of the most challenging times in a person’s life, and during the holidays it gets worse. Pain. Despair. Expectations. Smile and be happy. I hate holidays.

One thing I’ve learned is to do something because otherwise I will sit and analyze over a small decision. (Should I go to the store?) I used to check and recheck, examine everything when I was a Christian. I would second guess everything. Finally, I found relief from within me. My wisdom stopped me, and I realized, do it or don’t. It doesn’t matter. These were small decisions. But what about the more significant choices?

I trusted myself. I had to. There is a mighty force, as I mentioned, a tiny little flea that won’t stop jumping, which propels me. This energy is me. Like in the quote from James Joyce,

You have asked me what I would do and what I would not do. I will tell you what I will do and what I will not do. I will not serve that in which I no longer believe whether it call itself my home, my fatherland or my church: and I will try to express myself in some mode of life or art as freely as I can and as wholly as I can, using for my defence the only arms I allow myself to use — silence, exile, and cunning…

You made me confess the fears that I have. But I will tell you also what I do not fear. I do not fear to be alone or to be spurned for another or to leave whatever I have to go. And I am not afraid to make a mistake, even a great mistake, a lifelong mistake and perhaps as long as eternity too.

I can no longer serve what I don’t believe, whether it call itself my home, my church, my country.
The girl god