Does anyone else find the whole flirting – connecting thing just a bit awkward? Here in the Southern United States, we tend to be friendly. Just like we sweeten our tea, we sweeten our language and everything around us. Lace, Doilies, Please and Thank you. And there’re a lot of friendly talks, even during a business transaction.
What I’ve noticed about myself.
When I’m at work, I can be friendly, joking around. It’s harder everywhere else. I know the people at work. I’m at home. What gives with that? Then I wonder am I confusing people by being too friendly?
When is it inappropriate?
What about the other side of the coin? Some people can’t turn the flirting off. They use their seduction to get what they want. They have affairs or sexually harass their coworkers. I once had a manager who creeped me out. He told my friend and me that we’d look cute in cheerleader costumes for Halloween.
What makes it flirting?
Here’s the problem. If you’re a bubbly personality, you might always be seen as flirting. I’ve had to deal with it. I smile, listen, laugh, and joke. I care. Real flirting is reaching out and connecting.
Subtle Verbal and Non-Verbal Clues – Synonym
Some forms of flirting are more likely to be done in private, when no other observers are close enough to hear or see, suggests Elizabeth Bernstein, an award-winning columnist for the Wall Street Journal, in her article, “The New Rules of Flirting.” If someone asks a direct question such as, “Are you seeing anyone?” that person will likely ask that question privately. Beyond what a person says, a person may also communicate her attraction to you via a combination of vocal signals and body language. A seemingly simple line such as, “It’s nice meeting you,” can take on a romantically charged connotation if the speaker drags out the last word, while simultaneously raising her eyebrows and smiling — and if she hangs on to the handshake a few seconds longer.
Tell me what you think. Have you been accused of flirting? Or do you have trouble approaching people? It’s a cold cruel world sometimes and it shouldn’t be. Let’s try to make it a little nicer for each other if we can.
I tend to agree, but probably because I’m easy to get along with and think the world is a better place with friendly people. Smiles don’t kill people. At least, I don’t think so. LOL.
I don’t see anything wrong with flirting – it tends to make both people feel good AS LONG AS it stays at that level (or is *intended* to mean something else). I’m a natural flirt (also your kind of “friendly” from my time in the South). I socialized mostly in bars and restaurants “in my wild youth” (common in NYC since apts. are mostly too small to have people in).
I learned at some point to communicate verbally, something like, “Love to flirt, but I’m in a monogamous relationship, so that’s as far as it goes with me. How ’bout you?” The guys looking for more generally cleared out relatively rapidly, the natural flirts like me stayed to flirt – a few became good friends subsequently, a few eventually became relationships of a more intimate sort. That worked for the entire 20 years I lived in Manhattan (AND I was generally choosy about the bars where I socialized, returning home in a cab).
Who cares if you are “too friendly” by some people’s standards? We are under NO obligation to change our personalities for others. It is simply prudent to be clear about our communication’s intent, these days especially. Sadly, time’s are different now.
(Madelyn Griffith-Haynie – ADDandSoMuchMore dot com)
-ADD Coach Training Field founder/ADD Coaching co-founder-
“It takes a village to transform a world!”
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